We added a few great items from Gates & Co. too!

This time was a little different. We used the same playbook essentially to slightly different results – I think partially because taking TWO kids of different ages and interests (and therefore different agendas) is very different than just one child, and also we are just different people with more stress in a very chaotic, scary world. So while it was a good trip with great parts, I’m not sure we will return to Disney anytime soon. As anyone who has been knows it is A LOT. Of everything.

I reached out last minute for help planning as it got too overwhelming for me and a longtime follower and friend of a friend Gina George (IG @yourgeniegina). I got SO MANY recommendations from you guys that I was also overwhelmed by that alone! There are tons of great planners, but Gina knows about our family from being a longtime follower and was so helpful- buying our park tickets, recommending types of “extras”, rides for each kid, booking our Lightning Lanes early morning and was available during the trip for questions. The one thing I will say is that if you are planning to stay at a Disney World Resort pick your planner first and let them book you as they get paid from those bookings and therefore most do not charge you to do your planning. If you book on your own / use miles to book, some planners will charge you for services as they don’t get their Disney commission. Still worth it, but just a heads up.

Speaking of, we stayed at the Four Seasons our first trip and I could not have raved more about it. And I still think it’s the best way to go if you are hoping for a little adult time/ vacation too as it is not crowded, not overly “Disney” and has great service, amazing pools/ kids clubs, spa and restaurants (including a Michelin star one). It is a relief to go back to a serene, theme free hotel after a day at the parks and not be assaulted by more Disney stuff! Our kids rushed to get back so they could have pool time there. They also do a great character breakfast that is so much nicer than those at the parks.

That said, there are some down sides to the Four Seasons. It is SO expensive. Like, the amount we paid for two regular rooms grosses me out. They did not connect, which was a pain in the ass. Also, if you stay at a Disney World Resort you get to buy your Lightning Lane passes 7 days prior to your visit, and for the Four Seasons it’s 3 days out. This means if you choose the option where you pre-book ride times, those times probably won’t be ideal and they may sell out prior your three day window (we had to change our planned day for Magic Kingdom because of this). Not a huge deal, but worth noting. If you are going to Disney to DO DISNEY- it may be better to embrace the chaos and stay at The Grand Floridian or Polynesian (both still pretty darn expensive BTW) for this reason and also the ability to easily get to and from the parks on the monorail or boat. From the Four Seasons you have to take a Lyft or MinnieVan, which can add more to the cost and is not as convenient. Also, your dining options are limited without taking another Lyft to Disney Springs or another resort, so we ate every night at the same place which got monotonous.

OK, onto the parks. First things first- no matter how old your kid is RENT A STROLLER. Not only to hold all your crap but no matter how old, they will start complaining about walking. DO not ignore this advice even if your kids is years out of using a stroller (Gina coordinated ours to be dropped off and picked up from the hotel). Secondly, I could not get over the ticket prices- essentially $800 a day for a family of four PER PARK without any “fast pass” upgrades. Eye watering.

Our first day we did Epcot because that is where the Frozen stuff is and Emma was laser focused on meeting Anna and Elsa. Also they had a princess lunch where she could meet a bunch of the princesses in one swoop and it was easier to book than the Magic Kingdom one (I missed the window on that). Epcot is HUMUNGOUS, I had forgotten, and a ton of walking for the kids with not many rides. We did the Lightning Lane regular passes for this so we pre-booked three rides but our times were really late in the day (5pm +) which sucked with tired little kids. I also spent half the day on my phone trying to re-book ride times and that was a bit stressful. Frozen Ever After and Guardians of the Galaxy (Andrew and Henry’s favorite ride of the entire trip at all three parks) had hour long waits and we did get to skip those long waits, which was worth it. The countries were fun to walk through though, and it was all and all enjoyable but a LONG, very hot day!

Second day was Magic Kingdom. A lot of you messaged me to do VIP tours and I looked into it and WHAT IN THE CARTOON HELL!? I was quoted between $750-$900 an hour with a 7-8 hour minimum? How are y’all affording this??? :) LOL. I opted for the still expensive but FAR less so option of Premiere Lightning Lane (which means you do not have to pre-select ride times you just get to use the Lightning Lane at every single ride). This was SO, SO worth it. Transparently, it was an extra $1,500 for the day which is insane, I know, but compared to the VIP Tour, a fraction of the cost with the same perks and no stranger tagging along with you all day (that I assume you also need to tip). If you can, this is an amazing option that saved us hours at the park waiting (except to meet characters- those do not have Lightning Lanes!).

Our last day we did Universal which was all for Harry Potter for Henry (and me, lets be honest). This was by far our most disappointing day. I paid for the Express Lane only to find out once I got there it did not apply to all rides, namely the ONE ride we wanted to do the most, Hagrid’s Motorbike- and that wait was 80-120 minutes ALL DAY, so we had to skip it as Emma couldn’t ride it and the wait would have been too long. Lesson learned- read the fine print. The Express Lanes were not super fast (they are half the posted wait times). They also split Harry Potter into two parts of the park so you have to buy tickets for BOTH parks for the day which feels like a scam. Diagon Alley was pretty amazing as was riding the Hogwarts Express, so that was great- but finding food for the kids felt like a real hassle (felt marketed to adults way more than kids) and doing both parks in one day was WAY too much. Also, most of the rides were for kids much bigger than Emma. I would advise you do Hollywood Studios instead if you have kids under 8-9. This park felt more Las Vegas than Disney.

One things that I noticed this time that I did not when I was a kid or even the last time we took Henry- every damn ride makes you exit through some kind of gift shop which causes so many arguments with the kids who want ALL THE THINGS! Can we not just have gift shops sprinkled throughout the park and not at the end of every ride? My lord, read the room- parents are tired and broke already!

OK, I feel like I just did a lot of cathartic complaining, but I will say- it really IS so special to see your kids believe in make believe and get caught up in their sense of wonder and amazement. I absolutely loved seeing their little faces light up (even Henry at 9) when Mickey or Minnie came by or they got to ride on a super fast rollercoaster (Emma was a real bad ass with no fear- she only cried because she got wet on Splash Mountain/ Tiana’s Adventure). But I am truly in a stupor over how much this cost, even if we didn’t do the fancier options, and how many people do it day in and day out. You can go to Europe for far less. Mind blowing.

And don’t get me started on Disney Adults- I just don’t understand it and I don’t think I could even with a detailed explanation. Emma and I were standing behind an adult couple on their honeymoon waiting to meet Anna and Elsa for an hour and then talking to them like they were real people and getting all teary eyed… I locked eyes with Anna like “WTF?” but those character actresses are pros, my goodness :)

Best Things I Wore/ Brought:

Lightweight sunglasses.

Quilted fanny pack/ cross body

The most comfortable sneakers ever for all day walking. TRUST.

Tennis dresses (this one has built in shorts you can pull partly down to pee without disrobing completely!)

I put this sunscreen on under my makeup and did not get burned once any of the days! Amazed.

The best cushioned no show socks.

My all-time favorite sunscreen (use on the kids too).

I did not pack this, but as soon as I got home I took a long soak with my fave epsom salts.

You could not PAY me to be in my 20’s again. Or my 30’s for that matter. Both decades were really brutal for me in which I did not have a lot of fun. To my shock, the beginning of my 40’s is when I felt most vital and alive, but that has been dwindling the past 2 years. Now I feel as though I am in a kind of no man’s land- not old, but not young. Some days full of energy and determination, others fighting off a desire to burn it all down and run away (or to be less dramatic, to just curl up and REST).

I have been in therapy a very long time and have done a LOT of hard work – especially the last 3-4 years. What has been obvious to some (my husband) literally just dawned on me as of recent – I’m not sure I know how to happy. I sure know how to be productive. I’m damn good at trying to be perfect. I know how to please others like the back of my hand. But do I know how to find joy within my own self? Ehhhhhhh, I’m not so sure.

Yes, I have moments of feeling happy- out laughing with friends, cuddling with my kids, a perfect beach day. But the “letting go” that is involved in truly being happy is really hard for me. Fighting the desire to be the best at something/everything and instead just ENJOY being is a real challenge for me. I’ve been living very much with a white knuckle grasp on the things I know make me “good” and am left feeling, well… exhausted. This can’t be all there is.

I am a very blessed, lucky lady- no doubt about that. I SHOULD be happy, of course. And I have to be okay saying this out loud and not worrying that people will paint me as ungrateful (although, admittedly, I certainly can be). So I am, because I think it’s a hard thing to admit. Many of us should, by all accounts, be very happy- but we aren’t. Maybe it IS the hormones. Maybe it’s the culture of the grind. Maybe it’s social media and its brain rotting comparison game. Or maybe we just aren’t being honest with ourselves.

So I’ve decided to celebrate 45 this summer. Not a banner year for a big party, but rather a bright, happy, FUN dinner with my best girls on my back porch. No pressure, just FUN. This is the year I want to really focus on that aspect of life instead of hitting some obtuse milestone of follower count, public accolades or rock hard abs. I want to feel better in my body, but also pay less attention to every inch of it. I want to lean into days off, free time and loose schedules instead of regimented days in which I can’t help but feel there is MORE I should be doing.

I have worked hard, and will continue to do so. I know no other way than to stay busy and hungry. And I will talk to the doctors I have more about some methods to fight off the inevitable drop in hormones that exacerbate how I’m feeling. But I also want to try harder to enjoy life as it is, not put off happiness until I reach XYZ goal or date or age. The time is now, because as I was reminded last month, the future is not guaranteed.

This is a very long winded way of saying I’m planning a dinner! :) A pretty one full of bold color and feminine details and I felt like mood-boarding it so I did! Some version of this will happen, probably not all of these things- it doesn’t have to be perfect (although I do truly delight in pretty things). We could order pizza for all I care, I just want to create a moment to sit and enjoy my friends, my gorgeous yard and a summer night – I prefer entertaining at home to going out lately, so this is what I’ll do.

So here’s the look that to me says “happy birthday you 45 year old nutjob”! Cheers!

All images linked except the flowers (here), cake (here) and rechargable lamps and shades (here).

All images are linked, except for those listed below.

Lily of the Valley Notepads | Fern Notepads | Ikat Wrapping Paper | Framed Laura McCarty Landscape | M. Flynn Athena Bangle | “The Best Hat” | Cool Mom Tee | Coffee Tumbler | Kassatex Bath Towels | Roxanne Assoulin “Smile” Necklace | Mrs. Alice Tote

I can think of no sadder story than the one of the Clancy family that broke last week in Duxbury, MA. Being local, it hit close to home. And I myself being a mother who suffered from postpartum mental issues, it has triggered strong emotions in me. I could not stop thinking about that family all weekend, and engaged in many discussions with other women over IG about this story, including some people close to the family. And I will say this – EVERYONE in this story is a victim. EVERYONE. Those beautiful children, the husband, their entire extended family, friends, co-workers and important to note vocally, Lindsay herself. There is not one singular person to be sad for, we can and should be sad for every single person touched by this horrible situation.

A mother killing her children is horrific. Make no mistake about that. It is one of the most heartbreaking scenarios I can think of. But what’s also heartbreaking is thinking about the knowledge that awaits Lindsay when and if she wakes up. Not much is being confirmed about this story in the press, but it is clear from Patrick Clancy’s incredibly graceful, emotional statement and insights from others – Lindsay was not in her right mind when this happened. This was a psychotic break with reality caused by post-partum mental disorder.  And before we delve into this discussion, we need to define what Post Partum Psychosis is in contrast to Post Partum Depression and Post Partum Anxiety, as they are vastly different. A psychologist who messaged me specifically asked me to call out how RARE PPP is in contrast to how common PPD and PPA are. This is not a case of “the baby blues” (I hate that term) – this is a true psychotic episode in which the person most likely has no idea what they are doing.  There are true murderous monsters in this world, I’m not naive to that obviously, but I truly do not believe that to be the case in this scenario. It is very clear from all the information we have, that this woman loved her children, and that is what makes it all the more gut wrenching. I can not imagine a living hell worse than her current reality.

As I’ve mentioned before, I suffered from PPD/PPA with both kids, although I didn’t really realize I did with Henry until after the fact, as many women do.  I’ve been in treatment for General Anxiety Disorder since I was a teenager, so I assumed it was just “amped up a little” after having a baby. But it was way more than that. And then with Emma it hit full force and I was aware of what it was. Having lost so many pregnancies before her, which made we worried the entire pregnancy,  in combination with having a toddler, running a busy business AND being in the thick of a isolating global pandemic at the time of her birth – it was a ripe time for it to manifest. And it did. And I immediately asked for help. I stopped breastfeeding after 3 weeks (GUILT) because I needed to go back on medication that wasn’t safe for breastfeeding. I hired extra help, even a night nurse (EXTRA GUILT), but it literally saved my life. I had a therapist (who doesn’t take insurance, as many don’t), amazing doctors and an incredibly helpful husband. That is to say I had every possible privilege known to man at my disposal, and my children were DESPERATELY wanted – and yet it was still very hard. And it unravels me to think about the fact that many/most women do not have the same options.

And what gets me deep down is the knowledge that Lindsay DID get help. She was actively getting help, despite chatter to the contrary. She was a labor and delivery nurse – someone well versed in post partum care and the realities of mental disorders and easily able to access care. To read comments in news articles from people assuming she didn’t get help and just killed her children because it was “too hard” makes me absolutely go blind with rage. First of all, how dare any of us assume anything in this situation. It’s beyond words. This is a tragedy from start to finish and the only thing we as humans should be offering up is support, an attempt at understanding that there are things we will NEVER understand, and prayer (if that’s your thing).

The pressure on new mothers to be everything to their children and families along with the absolute rollercoaster of hormonal shifts in the post-partum period are sometimes insurmountable and sometimes just a blip.  Some women never feel anything but bliss and a little exhaustion, others are able to weather the tough days and night without issue, while others spend hours crying in the bathroom because they can’t figure out why they can’t bond with their baby and if they will ever feel like themselves again. And then sadly, there is a VERY SMALL percentage who become very ill. But all women deserve to be cared for without shame or guilt. All women need extra support and guidance through the early years of a child’s life. Not just a pamphlet as you leave the hospital suggesting you call this number if you feel sad – but real, pro-active, attentive care. If you or someone you love is struggling with any post-partum issues you can start here. But we need more than a helpline, we need some REAL CHANGE regarding the care of women after giving birth. It’s a huge sacrifice physically, emotionally and mentally and creates real medical issues that deserve attention and policy change.

I ask that at this time, we all just send love and support to Patrick and the Clancy family as they navigate the unimaginable road ahead. Check on your friends. Check on your family. Love your babies as best you can. It does get better, but only if we care for one another.

XO

Given the nature of this topic, any comments that are deemed cruel or deeply insensitive will be deleted at my discretion.

After trying to use “fashion” backpacks for our  little day trips I figured out what I needed was a REAL backpack. I love this Patagonia one! The perfect amount of pockets and a stretchy zip cord to strap on a wet towel or discarded kid jackets!

I was also so intrigued to try these On sneakers after seeing them on so many runners! I really like them- they are really lightweight and cushioned but you can really feel the road, and were comfy from the first wear- not a single sore spot or blister!

I’m always on Henry to wear a hat- not only to protect from the sun but also any ticks in the woods from getting in his hair! He looks l;ike a straight up teen in this one.

Also, this set from Beyond Yoga is my favorite for ALL workouts- from running to weights, yoga and biking. It’s so soft, the perfect level of compression/support without being suffocating and comes in a bunch of colors! Also the ride of the leggings slight crop of the top make it so it’s not like, FULL ab exposure- just a hint :)

Here are some other faves from Backcountry for myself  and the kids- I find the most important thing when doing outdoor activities with kids are waterproof and comfy footwear, backpacks so they can learn to carry their own stuff and hats for sun protection and glare.  And I have found a new favorite swimwear brand thanks to Backcountry- Maaji– this bikini below is PERFECTION- it reverses to a cute floral print too so it’s like two  suits in one! I ordered a second suit from them too and love it just as much!

Click images for links and use the code ELEMENTSOFSTYLE15 at checkout for 15% your first order (exclusions apply).

*This post was sponsored by Backcountry, All selections and opinions are my own. Thanks for supporting the brands that keep EOS going!

In a mere two weeks my little Emma turns ONE!!!! Can you even believe it? She’s on her way to walking, saying words like “puppy” “Ollie” “Henry” and “Hi” (and of course DADA – why is it never MAMA?)  Given COVID restrictions lifting we’re having a little party in the back yard – this girl deserves a celebration after spending her whole first year of life in lockdown! Here is my inspiration board for the gathering and some links:

1. // 2. // 3. // 4. // 5. // 6. // 7. // 8. // 9. // 10. // 11. // 12. // 13. // 14.

Some gift ideas for littles turning 1 (spoiler alert – Emma got the pink push car!)

I saw this article about “mom rage” yesterday on The Tot and it really had me thinking a lot about what we, as mothers – working outside the home or not – have suffered during this past year of incredible turmoil. Over 2 million women have had to leave the workforce, childcare centers and schools shut down leaving those lucky enough to have a job balancing child care, telecommuting AND trying to be a teacher to bored, restless children. Mothers who don’t typically work outside the home also suffered with no breaks, their spouse or partner possibly now working from home full time (its OWN stress!) and OH YEAH, the constant threat of a potentially fatal disease at every turn!!!! No wonder we all feel a little bit…”ragey”.

The other day I told Andrew I was going to get a coffee down the street and he looked at me in all seriousness, concern in his eyes, and said “you ARE going to come back, right?” Even I, one of the luckiest people on earth during this time period, have hit my breaking point. I have full time child care, my business is actually busier than ever, we are all healthy and have a beautiful new home. ZERO to complain about, obviously. And yet it HAS been hard – having a baby during this pandemic, after such a difficult road to get her here, really brought me to my knees concerning my mental health. Newborns are hard on a good day, add in a pandemic, a toddler at home, a job and two bouts of mastitis and I was steamrolled very quickly by post-partum depression to the level I never expected. Luckily I reached out for help and got it in spades. Not everyone has those medical and mental health resources, which is a whole other bag of worms we need to address.

But something I’ve come to realize recently is that I may still be struggling with post-partum depression, even as we approach Emma’s 1st birthday in a mere MONTH (how????). I got through the real weeds of sleep depravation, breastfeeding and caring for a newborn and on the other side of the really dark stuff I was feeling, but I’m still not “right”, and I think it’s from this pandemic lifestyle. I am exhausted from everything, bored and yet overwhelmed by duty and to-do lists, wanting to simultaneously get in my car and drive away but also fiercely protect these little people I love. And my fuse is SO short- ugh, SO SHORT. I get frustrated so easily with my “seemingly teenager overnight” Henry, who is struggling in his own way from all of this change and isolation and acting out more than normal (but also maybe that’s just his age?). I admitted to my therapist, and Andrew, that motherhood feels heavy right now, where it used to feel… lighter and more joyful. And apparently, I’m not alone! Praise be! We have taken on SO much for SO long and so yeah, here we are – with frustration, rage and sadness bubbling over the edge of our mental brims.

The issue is, we all tend to feel guilty about our collective struggle. We’re MOMS, we’re tough and should be able to do anything for our kids, right? Wrong. We’re humans first and foremost, and individual people that need care and compassion too. It’s hard to do, but necessary right now. We put so many people before our own selves, and most of the time, we’re happy to do it and capable of finding a balance on some level.  But the scales have tipped, ladies, and all bets are off.  I’m here to tell you (and myself), it’s okay to not be okay right now. It’s okay to feel crappy about whatever it is that’s weighing you down. It’s okay to take an extra 10 minutes to just sit alone in your car in a parking lot and cry, or scroll Instagram or close your eyes. We’re ALLLLLLLLL doing it!

Andrew asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day and I said “a day alone”. He asked what I wanted to do. I said “I want to not know- have no plan- maybe get a pedicure, go shopping, sit alone somewhere and have a long coffee and read- I want FREEDOM and SPACE”.  He thinks I’m a little nuts, but you know what, it’s the biggest gift I can give myself and that he can give to me right now.  Autonomy. Breathing room. No schedule.  Just me.

I hope you are all taking care of yourselves and reserving some space and time for your own mental health. It’s tough out there, but as we always do, we’ll get through it.

Feel free to discuss and chat and vent in comments (but keep it kind, ok?)

XO,

Erin

1. We got rid of our much heavier Vista and got this new, pale pink UppaBaby Cruz and I really like it so far. We’ve been using it with the bassinet for neighborhood walks and she sometimes will sleep in the bassinet in the house too. For later on I bought the BabyZen Yoyo for travel/ in the car.
2. This faux leather stroller caddy is chic and simple and holds my coffee and hand sanitizer and masks stylishly. Wipes down easily.
3. I HATED those strapless pumping bras I used with Henry- this one is GENIUS– clips on to whatever nursing bra you’re already wearing!!! No need to get half naked to pump.
4. Emma LOVES her Dock A Tot (fern cover/ plain dock). We also got the Snuggle Me Organic, which is super cozy,  but I feel like she’s outgrowing it already!
5. Simple and sweet bows.
6. Emma and Henry both wore these open bottom gowns in the hospital when first born- great for early days with a million diaper changes.
7. I am a little obsessed. with this brand, Lou Lou and Company. The tops and pants are ADORABLE and so soft and the tie bottom gowns are great for newborns. They also have adorable bows, headbands and hats too. New prints released often!
8. The Nuna Pipa Lite LX car seat is the lightest on the market- a bit over 5 lbs!!! Awesome for lugging her into the doctor and such. I also like the little leather accents. Base MUST be used with this one, so not good for city living if you need one that straps into a cab or Uber with no base.
9. Pretty sure everyone with a baby has the Shusher.
10. A bunch of followers told me to get this Ollie swaddle and it IS awesome. I just ordered a second. So easy and really snug and inescapable!
11. My other favorite bows. I already have too many.
12. The best nursing bras ever.
13. I loooooove this brand for Emma and Henry (who has sensitive skin)- smells amazing and super safe- lotion, wash and diaper cream.
14. This carrier is stupid expensive, but makes me STUPID happy. Also, it’s very comfy to wear.
15. Anything Pink Chicken, sign me up.
16. I love this classic sweater– Henry has some that now are Emma’s!
17. H&M makes the BEST onesies, hands down.
18. My favorite little jammies– when I found out I was having a girl this was the first thing I bought.
19. Cutest little diaper clutch– love the hot pink interior pockets.

I just wanted to jump on quickly to say hello, despite being in the newborn fog. As most of you probably know, our daughter, Emma Elizabeth Porter Gates, was born on Monday, June 8th at 4:03 pm after a fast labor (like, really fast!) We are home — healthy, happy and getting used to our new normal of having two kids (whaaaaaaaat??)

Here she is, a few minutes old!

The staff at Newton-Wellesley Hospital was so amazing (as they were with Henry’s birth too). I felt completely safe and protected, even during this crazy COVID time. We only stayed 24 hours, since the birth had no complications, and it was nice to be home early so Henry could meet his little sister!

Henry is DELIGHTED in his role of big brother.  He’s been super happy and helpful, which has been so wonderful, as I was a little worried about how he’d do with this huge change.

As for her name, we’ve always loved the name Emma. It’s popular, I know, but I am one for super classic names (we also liked the name Molly a lot too). Elizabeth was Andrew’s grandmother’s name and Porter is after Miss Porter’s School, the all-girls school I went to that truly changed my life after a very tough time.

My team will be posting from time to time here, and I will pop on as I can, but I’m really trying to take this time all in knowing this is my last baby. Thank you for all your well wishes and comments on IG!

XO,
Erin

Mix all these conflicting emotions up with the panic I feel about COVID-19 and all of us remaining healthy, and I’m feeling beyond worn out, tired and on edge. For now our nanny is still coming to the house (she’s extra cautious and not socializing beyond us and Henry) and Andrew and I are coming to my office alone for some of the day to work (I am so lucky to have this space 3 blocks form our house- a change of scenery really helps).  Should things worsen, and I suspect they will for a bit, we’ll probably just stay home and switch on and off with childcare.  Luckily both our businesses can be run virtually and we are both busy.

But to keep my mind busy I’m focusing on work projects, thinking up things for Henry to do during the day (virtual music classes and dance classes, baking, art projects, games, playing outside in the yard or nature walks), doing pre-natal yoga every day and STAYING OFF THE NEWS SITES.  I easily can spiral down a rabbit hole of internet news and it really ramps up my anxiety, so I’ve committed to only checking reputable sites once a day and then staying away. I also am taking on lots of organization projects at the house in preparation for baby and general cleansing of our space (both sanitation-wise and clutter-wise).  I’ll post about some of these projects if you’re interested in my approach. I plan to keep my posts pretty light and entertaining while we are all distancing ourselves as a means of distraction.

I’m also trying to get into the spirit of planning for this baby coming in 12 weeks- the nursery and getting the essentials in order. I have a lot of stuff from Henry that I can re-use, and some stuff I want to update/replace to get the newest safety features, etc. as well as some things I hated that I had and want new options for. Someone on IG said their baby shower was getting cancelled due to the quarantines and they wanted to know what my list of “essentials” were to help them create a registry. So I gathered up baby items today to share with you- either stuff I have, items you guys have recommended recently or things I have heard good things about.

1. This carrier is STUPID expensive, but I must have it. I’ve heard its super comfy too. I also really loved my Baby Bjorn carrier- this mesh version looks awesome for warmer months.
2. After having a regular glider for my first baby, I swore up and down that next time I’d get a glider-recliner. Way more comfy when baby falls asleep or middle of the night feedings/ naps. This is one we’ve used for many clients and they love it.
3. OK, so we may rent the Snoo starting at 6 weeks to see if it works or if we need it (thanks for all your DM’s on IG about this) but I have heard great things about this Baby Bjorn bassinet.  I’m a big fan of their products in general, so we plan to get this to start.
4. I hated my bottle warmer I had, so I plan to get this one– which also can serve as a mini steam sanitizer! We have little counter space in our small kitchen so I can’t do the big, honking contraptions that make formula bottles plus a separate sterilizer.
5. We LOVED our Bumbo once Henry could sit up! The best! Get the tray too.
6. OK, so I have the 2015 Nuna Pipa car seat and loved it. So safe and cozy. But it was pretty heavy. They came out with a new version that is barely above 5 lbs. So I’m selling mine to a second hand shop and getting the new version.
7. My photographer Sarah gave me her hand me down mesh Baby Bjorn bouncer chair for Henry and he LOOOOOOVED it. I then gave it to Henry’s godparents to use with their baby who also loved it. So I’m getting a fresh one for this baby!
8. Recovering from childbirth is NO JOKE.  My friend Caroline told me “whatever you do, don’t look. It’s like a Tim Burton bouncy house down there for a week or so after!”  She was hysterically (and disgustingly) right.  I love this kit– what a great gift to put in your hospital bag!
9. We love this simple, classic sound machine. Not too many bells and whistles.
10. YOU MUST HAVE A SNOT SUCKER. Obviosuly I’ll get a fresh one for this baby. And also will remember to check to make sure the filter is in it before use, as I didn’t check once with Henry and basically mainlined snot into my mouth.
11. I was gifted a couple strollers from brands for Henry that I liked- A Uppa Baby Vista (a little too big for our needs/ too heavy to transport but a lovely stroller) and a Nuna Mixx (I loved this one for baby stage). Both are getting donated and I’m treating myself to a new one. I think I’m getting the newer Nuna Mixx. I love that the seat fully reclines so with an infant insert you don’t need a bassinet.  It’s big enough for all your stuff, but not insanely cumbersome- only downside is that they don’t make a ride on board for Henry. I found a generic one though, so that should work.  Otherwise I was looking at the Uppababy Cruz– which looks more compact and has a great ride on board. Thoughts??  We use this size stroller most at home- walking to the park, shops/coffee and such. We tend to use a travel stroller if packing up to go somewhere in the car.
12. I plan on using this wipeable changing pad because I found myself constantly washing the changing pad covers of my basic one last go round.
13.  We loved the Halo Sleepsack for Henry- he wore different versions of them until he was 3.
14. I have a Dock-a-tot but want to get this cover and the toy bar! I also have heard great things about Snuggle Me Organic as an alternate to this.
15. Many of you messaged me about the Ollie Swaddle! So I plan on getting one to try out too!
16. I love Lewis’ printed swaddles and jammies- this is a cute hospital outfit to pack up!
17. Pehr swaddles are adorable and such high quality- this pink leopard? Oh yes.
18. The ride on board for the Yoyo stroller (see comments for 19)
19. We had a few travel strollers, none of which we loved. I have heard great things about the Babyzen Yoyo. And I love that it has a ride on board and I can make it work with my carseat. I feel like this will last for a long time, from baby through toddler for that reason. Plus it fits in an overhead bin on a plane (when we can eventually fly again).
20. We tried a lot of monitors and this one has been my total fave- getting a second camera for it and keeping it simple.
21. The BEST diaper pail. End of story.
22. I used a diaper clutch in my normal bags most often with Henry. This one from Mark & Graham is super chic!

Hope everyone is staying safe, keeping their distance and washing their hands!

I’m having a hard time believing that I am about to write this and share the news with the world. It doesn’t feel real, although the nausea certainly is very real.

Yes, by some miracle (and lots of modern medicine) I am finally pregnant with a sibling for Henry – a GIRL. I am in my second trimester now and beginning to show a little (it happens so much faster the second time around!) so we decided it was time to say it out loud to the world. But it’s terrifying to do so given my path getting here. I’ve had five excellent ultrasounds, and a vote of confidence from several doctors that this is finally IT, but I am feeling incredibly guarded about celebrating this just yet. I think once I get past my 18-20 week anatomy scan I’ll feel a sense of security. I hope.

As many of you know, I have lost five pregnancies between Henry and this one. For the past three years straight I’ve been pregnant, trying to get pregnant or losing a pregnancy. We were close to accepting that this was our fate, to have just one child. But I felt like I had ONE more fresh cycle in me before I could feel certain I was done. We had only done two cycles before, one that resulted in no viable embryos and one that resulted in Henry plus three frozen embryos (but none genetically tested). We tried transferring all three of those frozen ones, but all three failed, and I got pregnant twice by accident in between the transfers, which also failed. My fertility doctor told me I had had the “top 5% of bad things go wrong with my pregnancies”. Just what you want to hear, right?

So right before my 40th birthday I did one last retrieval. It was NOT fun, I reacted so differently to the meds this time than 4 years ago, but we ended up with 24 eggs. Not bad for an “old lady”. However, only 13 fertilized and of those only three made it to day 5 blastocysts. Because of my age , egg quality issues and multiple miscarriages, we did genetic testing on all three to give us the best chances of not miscarrying again. And of those three, only one was healthy. 1 in 24! Those aren’t great odds. But as my doctor said, it just takes ONE.

This past September we transferred our one healthy embryo. And I was NOT confident at all. I was so pessimistic, in fact. And completely preparing myself that it was not going to work. And even when I took a pregnancy test a week later and saw two blue lines, I wasn’t excited. I’d been here before MANY times and knew that that meant nothing. Certainly not a guarantee that I’d end up with a baby in my arms. But it kept growing. And each ultrasound was perfectly normal.  I also have been so sick, exhausted and just feeling miserable (hence my lack of IG posts the past couple months)- and the last time we had both those things happen, we ended up with our sweet Henry.

Speaking of Henry, he’s been asking for a sibling a lot this past year. It’s killed me to hear him so sweetly say over and over “mommy, you are trying to find a brother for me right?” So being able to tell him this past week that he was going to be a big brother was so exciting- he didn’t quite get it entirely (maybe because it’s a sister instead of a brother) but he’ll come around as my stomach gets bigger I think. He will be the BEST big brother ever, that I know.

I know these kinds of announcements can be really hard for those struggling with infertility, I’ve been on the other side of this for so long. So I hope that if you are feeling sad that yet another person is announcing their pregnancy, that you look at my story as a whole and it gives you hope. That despite all the odds, it finally did work for me (so far).   Infertility and infertility treatments are a BEAST.  My body feels so battered from the years of medical intervention I’ve put it through, plus all the ups and downs of pregnancy hormones, countless surgeries and more needles than I care to count.  I am excited about the possibility of this baby, but I am also excited to reclaim my body as my own and shut the door on fertility treatments and all the mental anguish that accompanies it, for good.  This will be the greatest relief of my life.

Thank you so much for the years of comments, prayers, thoughts and all your incredible support that has made this journey a little bit more bearable. And keep ’em coming, I need all the good thoughts and luck I can get! :)

(this coat is on sale too for $65 right now if you can believe it- Henry’s coat is no longer available in green but is in blue here)

One thing I really have started wanting now that Henry is a fast-as-lightning three year old is a stylish backpack.  I need both of my hands free to make sure he’s not climbing a wall or smearing ice cream all over his new clothes. So when I saw this leather backpack I was in love- it can be worn either as a backpack or a shoulder bag and is SUPER roomy inside. Plus it looks far more chic than most other backpacks I’ve seen. I was stopped twice in the airport while on tour by other moms asking me where I got it!

Leaves my hands free for ample hugs– or carrying my big boy when he decides “his legs don’t work” (his newest toddler fake out).

And how about the adorable bamboo handle too? Perfect for hanging on a bathroom stall door hook when rushing to get your potty-training toddler to the potty on time (yes, I have tested it in exactly this usage!)

But also, it’s a great bag for WORK too. I am a proud working mom, and my bags have to double duty– carry my laptop and samples during the week and extra clothes, snacks and water bottles on weekends.  This bag is good for both- and is lightweight too, so it’s not painful to carry.

Two other things I got from them that are so great for us moms on the move are this keychain with USB charger hidden in it (I am ALWAYS forgetting my charger cable when I travel).

And this adorable, classic toiletry set for business trips (I use the smaller one to corral lip-glosses, earbuds and other small things in my bag on an everyday basis.)

Personalized gifts like these are one of my favorite things to give because it shows that you took that extra little step in selecting something for someone. Here is a round up of my favorite Mother’s Day gifts (for any type of mom- we’re all “on the go” moms no matter if we work or not) from Mark & Graham.

Everything is 20% off today so place your Mother’s Day order NOW and skip the whole “rushing around last minute” thing. :)

CLICK IMAGES FOR LINKS

• This post was sponsored by Mark & Graham, all selections and opinions are my own. Thanks for supporting those companies that keep EOS going.

(photo by Jessica Delaney for Momeni- sneak peek of one of my new rugs coming out in February!)

Hi Everyone, and welcome to 2019!

I feel like we haven’t talked in ages, I did take a much needed week-long break during the holidays, which I don’t think I’ve ever done in my 12 years blogging.  And look, the sky didn’t fall and  my business didn’t go up in flames! Doing that was a great exercise for me in balance and learning to stop and be present and take better care of myself.  It’s one of my goals for 2019- to understand, deep down in my core, that sometimes doing NOTHING is what really needs to be done. I am one fo those people who finds it stressful to not be busy and sit still. It makes me feel like I’m failing in some way.  But after last week, in which I had little desire to do much, I realized that it’s a healthy thing to do for yourself.  It won’t be easy to get used to doing, and it may only happen intermittently, but I want to find more balance between work and restfulness this year.

I’m going to be honest here, 2018 was a beast.  It’s hard to say it was “bad” because plenty of nice, lovely things happened- and the existence of Henry and all the amazing developments and changes he’s made in a year were magic to watch (although y’all ain’t lying about the whole “threenager” thing- WOW).  He truly keeps life from ever feeling too low. Also, when you’re a busy mom, you can’t really get too down- you’ve got shit to do! :) Moping is sort of not an option.  But last week, I kind of crashed. I didn’t want to be on social media much, and had little energy to do most of the things I enjoy. And I let myself be that way, because it was a very sad holiday for us.  I lost another pregnancy at 8 weeks, a couple days after Christmas.  This pregnancy was a complete surprise, which was very exciting given our fertility struggles, with a due date two days after my 40th birthday. I felt apprehensive about it, for the obvious reasons but also because of some complications they found early on, but also thought the whole thing seemed rather poetic given the nature of the pregnancy and the due date timing.  What a great ending to our story this would be! When we saw a heartbeat, I was shocked and excited. And then when we didn’t see one at the next scan, I was gutted.  This makes three losses in 2018, too many to bear. I’m tired, I feel cursed, I’m devastated and I’m completely pre-occupied with thoughts about this second child I cannot seem to hang onto.

And I’m still deep in it. So I have yet to get my “fresh New Years start”, but once I do, there is much work to be done regarding this whole chapter of my life. We’ve spoken to our doctor who think we should do one more retrieval and see what it holds (and then genetically test all the embryos before transferring which we never did before).  I also am going to see a recurrent miscarriage specialist in NYC who is supposed to be the best (thanks to my friends at Fertility IQ for the introduction).  This is our last shot. What we do from there (egg donation/ adoption) are things we are slowly talking about and processing, but not ready to make a commitment to.  It’s all foggy and I’m just trying to get from day to day.

Thankfully I have a job I love, a son who makes my world go round, a husband who is incredibly supportive and understanding and healthcare that covers most of these issues (way to go MASSACHUSETTS!) I know many are not so lucky, and I cannot imagine the pain and suffering of this process and these experiences without all that. I am still grateful for all I have, but can’t help but feel quite unlucky at the moment.

The best thing I can do is treat myself with kindness, focus on my own health and happiness and hope that a resolution is found, whatever that resolution may be. In the meantime, I have lots of happy distractions as well– the new book coming out April 2nd (and book tour), a new rug collection launching in February and some other exciting projects (and an impulsively booked vacation for Andrew and I in March). I also am looking forward to revealing some new projects with you on the blog, since I no longer have to save work for a next book!

To get myself feeling better, I went through the house and cleaned it of ALL holiday stuff– even candles and hand soap- after Christmas I want NONE OF THAT, not a whiff of pine, please and thank you! I also went through my closet and brutally edited down.  And now I just want to exist in a sea of soothing, clean neutrals. :)  So I pulled together some faves right now to help you out if you feel the same way as I do.  No matter what your year was like, a fresh start feels good.

Thanks for being here for me, and listening and sharing your own stories too. This community is one of my proudest accomplishments.   I hope 2019 is a hopeful and happy one for us all.

XO,
Erin

1. (one of my favorite case pieces currently)// 2. // 3. // 4. // 5. // 6. // 7. // 8. // 9. // 10. (extra-wide mats are a modern look)// 11. // 12. (very Markle!)// 13. // 14. // 15. (“strangest color blue” is a great,unique scent)// 16. // 17. (got for xmas, SO great!)// 18. // 19. // 20. // 21.  (love these towels)// 22. // 23. // 24. // 25.

So I had fun creating dreamed up nurseries for this lucky baby (which I will bet $100 is a girl).  For the nursery if it’s a princess, I used a deGornay African landscape mural (since they are said to have fallen in love there) with the ceilings papered in Osborne & Little gold stars to create an enveloping experience of camping in the bush. I paired that with some bright yellow silk draperies and a traditional rug, because you know, PRINCESS.  But Meghan is a modern lady, so I added some touches of that in the vintage lighting (British, of course) and the four poster brass crib, channel back glider and animal print pillow (pattern name: Tanzania!)  The traditional yet modern sofa is by British brand Julian Chichester and is upholstered in a taupe mohair.  The plaster rosettes are from Ben Pentreath’s shop (he designed Kate and William’s home) and one is even of the Tudor Rose. :) I personally love this nursery and think it reflects tradition but with a modern edge- like Meghan and Harry (ALL LINKS BELOW)

Scenic Wallpaper // Ceiling Wallpaper // Crib // Rug // Mirror // Glider & Ottoman // Changing Table // Ceiling Light // Floor Lamp // Zebra Pillow // Crib Sheets // Sofa // Sofa Fabric // Sofa Pillows // Wall Decor // Mobile // Stuffed Zebra // Marble side table

For another Prince, I started with one of my favorite papers by Sian Zeng that is made in England and depicts English country houses and animals in the woods. It even comes in a  version that is magnetic.  I would paint all the trim in the room Farrow & Ball’s Lulworth Blue and accent with a blue vintage rug.  A brass crib (probably passed down from some royal someone) is charming and classic while the trunk inspired changer adds a dash of masculine whimsy. Striped roman shades, a plaid pillow and gingham sheets and an Irish knitted throw add more pattern and texture.

Wallpaper // Ceiling/ Trim Paint // Glider Recliner // Plaid Pillow //  Animal Art // Rug // Crib // Changer //  Pig Leather Footstool // Lantern //  Floor Lamp // Irish Wool Throw //  Roman Shades // Mobile // Crib sheet//  Side table