I barely even know how to start writing this post- I have so many things that I’ve been ruminating on and considering in the past 36 hours. One thing that is crystal clear to me though is that we are at a pivotal moment in American history. It’s been a long time coming (I cannot type that without singing it like Taylor), but I do think we are at that crossroads where if we don’t DO something, we are in peril as a country. Hell, as humans! And what’s required in this moment is not passive participation and silent head nodding while others do the work. It’s active engagement, in big or small ways, letting the world know where you stand regarding human decency and actual democracy.

And that responsibly does fall double on anyone with a platform, like it or not. And while I personally have always felt the responsibility to speak up on issues that matter to me, it’s been a little bit lonely- especially in the world of design and lifestyle. I get it, it’s easier and way more profitable to stay silent. To not “get political” and potentially lose followers or clients- and to a degree, sure, I can comprehend that. A lot depends on your geographic location, employment, safety concerns, current status as a citizen, etc. I recognize that not everyone can speak freely, a privilege I do cherish. And obviously none of us are politicians, nor do we want to be (at least I certainly don’t)- so smaller, local or less scary issues perhaps have not felt like waters you’ve wanted to wade into. Or maybe even bigger ones. Keep things pretty, keep them calm. Preserve professional boundaries and your sense of “peace”. I get it. I truly do.

But this is different. This is a very critical, obvious time where as an INFLUENCER who shares with groups of people your advice, direction and guidance you do have a responsibility to be clear about your feelings about the state of the country right now. I think the adage to never mix “politics” with business is getting rustier and dustier by the minute. If we stop being so scared of “breaking the rules” and speaking up together, that volume could move mountains. This is the first time I’ve ever made such a broad statement, but I am ten toes down on this one. After consuming all the videos, evidence and undeniable gaslighting by the most powerful people in the government, maybe the world, it feels like a really evil and frankly, idiotic, plot to a horror film. I saw one person I follow, whom I’ve liked following for years, say in a really vexing series of posts “I mean, is there really a right side here??”

YES. Abso-fucking-lutely yes, there is a RIGHT SIDE. And I want to know if you’re on it.

And, by the way, the sides aren’t democrat versus republican- no, no-it’s right versus wrong. It’s morality versus depravity. It’s state sanctioned murder versus due process. Yes ma’am, there is a very, very clear right side to this issue facing us. The questions like- are we going to become a fascist state where the government is allowed to execute citizens in broad daylight? Arrest and detain people with no warrants? Terrorize communities with masked men whose whole missions is to instill fear? I hope to God not. I don’t believe any of those things are proud of tenets any American political party I’m aware of.

And if you ARE a Republican, saying “hey, I do not support this” does not instantaneously make you a liberal either, it makes you a compassionate human who cares about the future of America. Maybe you feel strongly about other Republican values, you can still denounce the murders of Renee Good and Alex Pretti. Again, this is not a political thing, this is a humanity thing.

This ask heard loud in the past 24 hours by followers and fans to “use your voice” does NOT mean everyone needs to post multiple times, or write verbose missives like this- not every influencer knows what to say, feels like sharing a lot, enjoys writing or speaking to the camera. But there are plenty of graphics and statements you CAN repost to at least signal your acknowledgement and awareness of what’s going on in America. Posting content as usual, like nothing is going on (to me) feels at best tone deaf and worst grossly privileged. No one is asking you to change who you are or what you share day to day, but they are asking for acknowledgment that you too are scared, angry and concerned about where we are as a country. Show some true humanity instead of perfectly curated outfits and homes. Show that you see it. Feel it. GET IT.

And look, I understand that this is how many people make a living and the economic impact is important. Me too. And I also have several employees that count on me to provide for them, overhead to pay and obligations to fulfill. But I am also, and most importantly, a mother. And I have an obligation to stand up against real evil and model for them how, when and why to do that. I want to be able to tell them when this happened that I did not sit idly by and stay silent because it was safer and “less controversial.” I also want to know it for myself.

I wish NONE of us had to “get political”, trust me. I would so much rather be sharing my favorite winter coats and best paint colors to use on millwork. I wish I could just send my girlfriends 18 stupid memes of raccoons in a row instead of watching clips of people being shot in the face over and over and then being told not to believe my own eyes by the president. I wish we could all live in the pretty, curated bubble projected by our socials- but we can’t. Not if we want our children to grow up in a fair, just and thriving society.

That desire my friends, is vastly more important than any number of followers. We can do two things at once- be beacons of beauty AND truth. Share lots of wonderfully fun and entertaining content while at the same time acknowledging the deep wounds we are experiencing in our culture. It only gives you more credibility and influence in the end, to show who you are behind the pretty pictures, to show there is heart and depth to you outside of the frame.

Be safe, be brave, be loud-

Erin

2025 is a year I will never forget and yet one I will always wish I could. One of the hardest years in my life for a myriad of reasons -losing my Dad the most world-shatteringly painful while the constant stress of daily living in this bizarre new world of ours the most consistently soul crushing. The one word I could use to acutely describe this past year is HEAVY. I think most of us felt that in one way or another, I notice a lot of people pronouncing 2025 as the worst year they’ve also had in recent memory, which is interesting to be unified so much all at once.

They say it was the year of the snake- a year of shedding and letting go. I do feel that although it was not intentional, I was forced to shed a lot on 2025- people I loved, notions of being able to fix everything, a little bit of my perfectionism, my desire to be in control. As I enter into this new year, I do feel a little less pressure and a bit more freedom, which comes from great loss and processing those losses within the structure of my daily life. All I thought was perfect was not, as it turns out. What I believed would and should happen did not, and I survived. What I do with the knowledge gained from that is up to me moving forward. I can resent it and let it eat at me or I can use it to change myself for the better. I choose the latter.

A lot of what happened this year coincided with my book release (a great part of 2025) and my tour which meant I had to put on my big girl pants and move through my commitments, and then right into the holidays, undoubtably pushing down a lot of the processing I needed to do. It probably kept me from totally losing it as well though, and seeing all of your lovely faces all over the country really did help me go through the beginning stages of grief with an incredible amount of support and love. For that I am so grateful.

That said, I know I have more work to do internally (thank goodness for my amazing therapist of 12 years) and my soul does feel incredibly weary right now in the quiet of the new year. I have a couple days to rest and be as still as possible before jumping back into work, and I know I need more of that and plan to do that soon but I also am happy to get back to normal life. No book to write, no massive list of commitments outside of work- a little time to get down to the nitty gritty of why I started this business in the first place, a honing in on what I love to do and eliminating the excess and the clutter.

I’m looking at a lot of my life that way- from my wardrobe to my home. Really taking a solid look at all I have and narrowing it down to what I really love and need to make room for what’s to come. Of course, I am itching to take down all Christmas decor and do a good scrubbing of the house, editing of toys and clothes and STUFF (there is just so much STUFF!) A lot of us enter into the New Year this way and for good reason- shedding of the previous year, especially one like 2025, helps you feel hope for the one to come. A clean slate (or clean desk in my case, as of an hour ago) free from debris and distraction is a great way to kick off with a little more freedom and intention.

I also hope that in writing down my goals and hopes for this year help me stay on track (or at least accountable). So here are some of them:

SET STANDARDS AND GOOD PRACTICES AT WORK & HOME

By this I mean really think through which projects we take on and which we pass on. I do have a high overhead so sometimes we do take on not 100% ideal work because, hey- someone has to keep the lights on- but I want to listen to my intuition more when it comes to what we do sign on to. I want to make sure that we have a good mix of very large and not as large projects to keep us creatively connected to the work and make sure our systems are as well coordinated and efficient as possible. Same goes for our home- I want to create efficient and easy organization systems in all rooms and maintain our family calendar on our Skylight like a boss.

TAKE THE LONG ROAD

Sometimes the most efficient route is not the one that helps you grow the most or feeds your soul. And by God, I love to be efficient! Whether it be picking fabrics for a project or taking the time to go for a long walk with a friend, I want to slow down a little and be more intentional with EVERYTHING- my time, my energy, my days, my kids. Take the extra step to make it special or meaningful.

MAKE THE TIME

I do not take much time off, certainly not as much as I need nor want- anyone running a small business feels this way. But I need to make the time to give myself a little more rest than I have been. I struggle greatly with relaxing- I feel SO guilty about it. Like, it makes my skin crawl, and that isn’t healthy. We have a few trips planned this year and I want to be sure I take them all in and breathe. I have a sneaking suspicion I’ll be even more productive if I could learn to properly rest.

WRITE MORE

I’ve had to neglect this blog a lot with my books and business in the last 5-8 years and I want to get back to it, writing more like this and connecting with you guys beyond social media and little quips and links. I’m not making any promises about frequency, but I want it to be more and certainly of higher/deeper quality. I have been thinking that making a weekly “TOP TEN or BEST OF” roundup- from sconces to paint colors to jeans- would be another easy way to share useful content. I LOVE me a good “these are the best” lists- which is part of slimming down what I have to just the best essentials.

HAVE MORE FUN

It seems silly, but I am not the best at having fun and letting go. :) I want to just have more fun and take more risks on lots of areas- starting with wallpapering my stairwell (was too scared to do it 4 years ago when we moved in) and adding some more color and detail into my own home and planning some trips as I mentioned. Getting back into skiing (and getting the kids learning) is another.

As for long term goals, I’m not a big believer in manifesting but I figured I put some down here just for funsies. By 2030 (whoa, that sounds sci-fi) I’d love to….

• design a hotel or inn
• buy a second home to design and rent out
• have a furniture or fabric collection
• take the kids to Paris, London, Ireland
• get back into painting
• write a children’s book ( I can’t help myself)
• open a little storefront/ showroom

WHEW. That’s a lot. But what do I have to lose by putting that all out there?

If I learned anything from my dad it’s to take some risks in life- because either he did and it made all the difference in his life, or he decidedly did not and regretted it at the end of his life. I really do not want to end my life wishing I had done more or done things wildly different. I want to feel like I lived the depth and width of my life to the best of my ability and tried and failed or tried and maybe succeeded too.

May 2026 bring us all hope, light and new beginnings.

Cheers,

Erin

From my first book to my last, I have shared little bits and pieces about how my father and his career influenced me. But I’ve never relayed his entire story.  In the days since his passing I have been hit again and again with the realization of just how massive his influence was on me, even beyond what I already knew to be true (which was A LOT). He was so humble about his career path, when in truth it was anything but a modest road to success. It’s a story of passion, dedication, risk and ultimately great reward. Although far from perfect, he was a man who stood by the belief that if you truly love what you do, you never work a day in your life. He never seemed annoyed, resentful or hesitant about going to work. Quite the opposite in fact, we’d often accompany him on weekends and evenings to his offices, job sites or on “drives” (which was code for- “we’re going to look at some houses”)- he truly LOVED what he did.  Being an architectural designer was his life blood (other than his family). And clients who got to work with him felt that, I’ve read so many messages from them the past few days about the impact both his genius and his kindness had on them.  And while I am devastated to lose him, I am also so very proud that he was my father.

I don’t know everything in detail, and I wish I had asked so many more questions than I did,  but I do know the beginning of his story doesn’t start with architecture at all. It starts with fashion.  My great grandfather and grandmother came here from Ireland sometime in the early 1900’s.  I am not sure what they did back in Ireland, but when they planted roots in Willimantic, CT they opened a small women’s department store in 1916 named Tubridy’s (my maiden name).  I have framed photographs from the first location that I had included on my stairwell gallery wall in my old house (below), and now need to find a place for in this house. My grandfather (my father’s father), was born into that business and he and my grandmother took it over and ran it until 1988 when my dad was handed the reigns (he had been managing the store prior to that).  But this was not what he really wanted to do with his life. He wanted to be an architect.  His parents had firmly said no to that idea, that he had to run the store, and so he did. But he did not just give up on his dream while following his parent’s wishes.

He taught himself by reading books. Books upon books. And while he was managing the family store, which had since grown into a much bigger space in Mansfield, CT,  he was teaching himself architecture on the side. When I was born, he had been working with a licensed draftsman doing tiny jobs- people’s garages, small additions and eventually houses (of course with the help of someone with the credentials to make sure, you know, it didn’t fall down or anything). So, my childhood was a mix of both going to the store with him and playing amongst the racks of clothing and jewelry and also sitting at that angled drafting table he had in the house and drawing my own little floorplans for houses dreamt up in my mind. As you can clearly see, both clearly lead me to where I am today.

I remember the ladies at the store who worked for my family for decades- Ruth, a saleswoman, Maria the seamstress in the tailoring department- they both must have worked there for 50 years. I can so vividly picture the stock room full of slightly creepy mannequins my brother and I would play in.  As he made his rounds, we would sneak into his grey metal candy drawers in the closet in his office which always held candies most people would detest: Good & Plenty, Candana Mints, Raisinets and Necco Wafers (I still LOVE a fresh box of Good & Plenty!). I have SO many visceral memories of this period of my life. In fact, my first job was wrapping gifts in the back during holiday season, which is probably why I still adore gift wrapping.  Tubridy’s was such a legacy- and I was so proud that our family owned it (big fish, small pond and all).  It was one of the cornerstones of the small mall in our town (Mansfield) alongside Caldor (anyone remember that?) and I spent SO much time in that mall growing up and was so delighted that we were a part of it.

This next part is a little bit of a blur for me, but as a design firm owner myself who went from just me to one employee and eventually to 8 employees, I imagine it was a similar trajectory as mine. Word of mouth is the best marketing, and eventually he became “the guy” people in town were using for their architecture .He hired licensed architects to work alongside him at this point, and opened a firm called New England Design. All this without ONE day of formal schooling in architecture.

As his firm grew locally, people took notice. He started working beyond just our neck of the woods, reaching down to the Connecticut shore and into a small enclave he used to spend time in as a child called Groton Long Point. He had started doing commercial work as well- shopping plazas, banks, educational spaces.  His client book grew based on recommendation and reputation, never paying for publicity or advertising. And he had a healthy little business going when I was in elementary school. And then he got a call from what would be his biggest client of all time- the Mashantucket Pequot Tribal Nation. They wanted to build a bingo hall and asked him to present. He did and he got the job, the largest of his career yet. Simultaneously, he had to close Tubridy’s down.  He needed to focus on his architecture career, but also the economics of the town had suffered – retail was anything but booming.  The bingo hall was a huge success and then eventually word broke that the tribe was going to build a casino, the first in New England. The chief of the tribe, Skip, whom my dad had become close with, of course had to entertain pitches from multiple large design firms, but in the end he took my dad up to the top of a hillside overlooking the reservation and asked him “how would you like to build a casino with me?”  That casino being Foxwoods.

My dad just told us that part of the story a few years ago, how he had been asked to design Foxwoods, and he cried when he spoke about that part.  Can you imagine, being a self-taught designer, not able to even call yourself an architect, and landing the biggest casino job in the WORLD (which it was at the time)?  The pressure had to have been immense, I cannot even fathom. Of course it was a massive team in place, a much larger architectural firm doing the complicated structural process drawings and design, but all the of conceptual design and project development was his firm, which is completely wild.

For research and inspiration, they flew him to casinos around the world, on the Concorde no less, and he got to see and do things I’m certain he never in his wildest dreams expected to be able to. All I can remember of this time, besides the slippers he brought back from the Concorde which blew my mind (“they gave you SLIPPERS on the PLANE?”)  is this massive model they made of the original casino design, that my dad had covered in a plexiglass box and used as a coffee table in his office. It was the most magical thing I had ever seen! So tiny and yet so enormous. I have a vague recollection of the opening night of the original tower at Foxwoods, we pulled around the bend of what is a pretty rural area of Connecticut and this ginormous building rose out of the earth and HOLY SHIT my DAD has designed that (with his whole team of course, and many other specialists!) He was so proud. And it changed our lives forever, as you can imagine.  Prior to this my family was pretty comfortable, but this huge opportunity provided a whole new kind of lifestyle (in fact, when he built our beach house he named the house “Windfall”- as he saw this as not only a product of his hard work but also of a great stroke of luck).

But one thing remained true- we all had to work no matter what. I had odd jobs as a kid as I mentioned- wrapping gifts at the store, answering the phone at my dad’s firm and assisting the interior designer on staff with the sample library during winter breaks. But every summer since I was 15 we had to have a full time summer job. I was a fry cook/ counter waitress at our little local diner (literally making the donuts at 5 am),  scooped ice cream until my right arm outsized my left, waited tables, was a lifeguard, worked retail at the mall. My brother Mike was digging out basements and spreading mulch and doing manual labor for my dad’s clients. Our educations were paid for, we were all given cars when we graduated high school (I will never forget pulling up next to a navy Jeep Wrangler with a bow on it after graduation and my dad handing me keys and telling me “you  can drive to dinner” and being absolutely baffled as to what he was saying and what I was seeing.)  So, while we were expected to work hard and earn our keep, we were also very privileged. I was very, very lucky. But hand-outs and laziness were not allowed and in fact, basically revolting to my parents.  This is not a therapy session, so I won’t get into how I’m sure this plays into why I cannot for the life of me ever relax now as an adult and I always feel the need to be productive 24/7… but I digress. It also is why I have been successful myself, in fact I was just telling him the other day how 18 years into running my business I still operate under the assumption that everything could disappear tomorrow- and he laughed with a very knowing grin.

But back to the story, Foxwoods lead to meetings with the big wigs in the casino and entertainment world- Steve Wynn, Bob Kraft and yes, the evil overlord himself ,Donald Trump.  But what he really loved was just designing houses. That’s what brought him the most joy, and so his firm turned focus to mostly residential work.  He designed some really spectacular homes, but never professionally photographed them and never pitched them to publications. That kind of outside applause just didn’t seem to matter to him.  But it kind of drove me crazy, so I had one of my photographers shoot the exterior and grounds of his own home which I eventually pitched to the Boston Globe Magazine (and was published in 2013). A spectacular piece of property, ironically nicknamed The Ranch, there was nowhere he’d rather be than on that back porch looking over the field as the sun set.  I wanted to share the magic my parents had created on that land and show off his talent a bit!

When I decided that interior design was what I wanted to do, I thought I needed to get a masters degree in order to compete. It will probably not come as a shock to you that my dad argued against that.  He said, as it held true for him, my talent was my eye and taste level, and to focus on honing my natural skills by working in the field and then reassessing if I needed to go to school based on what I learned about myself and the industry.  Of course, he was right- and like him, I slowly worked from picking friend’s sofas and paint colors, to having a couple real clients to then quitting my day job and opening my own business in 2007.  Like him, I taught myself through working, reading, watching and absorbing from those around me.  His firm has had the same employees for almost my entire life.  It was important to him to value and retain talented people he cared about. I pride myself in having had employees for 8, 10, 12 years as well, having learned from him that appreciating those around you and hiring people who are better than you at different aspects of the field (I don’t even know how to log into CAD) is how you make a successful firm.

  We had the opportunity to work together three times- on my own home in Newton and with two clients of his on the CT shore (one of which I photographed here).  Of course, being father and daughter, we were at odds over some things (he never liked window treatments- how dare I hide the casing millwork!) and I would have to break it to him that glass vessel sinks and spotty granite were no longer cool.  But I love what we did together and I wish we had done more.

That’s something that keeps echoing in my head as I attempt to traverse this massive grief- how much more I wish I had done. More questions, more conversation, more travel, more efforts… I’m not sure how to forgive myself for that or even if I should (Andrew says I have nothing to forgive myself for, but I seem to enjoy some good self-flagellation now and again… and again.) It’s hard to imagine not having him to call with questions about design, or his opinion on a house, or to fill him in on my tour stops.  It’s impossible to imagine I will never see him again. Or have his undying, quiet support as well as his loud cheers of pride. It all feels bizarre, even though I knew it was coming.

One thing that several people have said to me that does help is how lucky I was so have such an involved and supportive father. Someone who really cared and let me know how proud he was. Not everyone gets to have that kind of relationship with their fathers. They also say the grief I feel is a true reflection of such a large amount of love. I am finding it hard to absorb that fully right now, just a little more than a week out from his death, but I hope in time I will. And I will celebrate him as a designer, a person, a father and grandfather in all the ways I know how.  I hope he knew just how much he meant to me, how much I loved him and how hard I fought to help him. And I hope he will continue to watch over me and my children for the rest of our lives from somewhere very special under a perfect sunset.

KEVIN MICHAEL TUBRIDY

February 19, 1945- October 15, 2025

This time was a little different. We used the same playbook essentially to slightly different results – I think partially because taking TWO kids of different ages and interests (and therefore different agendas) is very different than just one child, and also we are just different people with more stress in a very chaotic, scary world. So while it was a good trip with great parts, I’m not sure we will return to Disney anytime soon. As anyone who has been knows it is A LOT. Of everything.

I reached out last minute for help planning as it got too overwhelming for me and a longtime follower and friend of a friend Gina George (IG @yourgeniegina). I got SO MANY recommendations from you guys that I was also overwhelmed by that alone! There are tons of great planners, but Gina knows about our family from being a longtime follower and was so helpful- buying our park tickets, recommending types of “extras”, rides for each kid, booking our Lightning Lanes early morning and was available during the trip for questions. The one thing I will say is that if you are planning to stay at a Disney World Resort pick your planner first and let them book you as they get paid from those bookings and therefore most do not charge you to do your planning. If you book on your own / use miles to book, some planners will charge you for services as they don’t get their Disney commission. Still worth it, but just a heads up.

Speaking of, we stayed at the Four Seasons our first trip and I could not have raved more about it. And I still think it’s the best way to go if you are hoping for a little adult time/ vacation too as it is not crowded, not overly “Disney” and has great service, amazing pools/ kids clubs, spa and restaurants (including a Michelin star one). It is a relief to go back to a serene, theme free hotel after a day at the parks and not be assaulted by more Disney stuff! Our kids rushed to get back so they could have pool time there. They also do a great character breakfast that is so much nicer than those at the parks.

That said, there are some down sides to the Four Seasons. It is SO expensive. Like, the amount we paid for two regular rooms grosses me out. They did not connect, which was a pain in the ass. Also, if you stay at a Disney World Resort you get to buy your Lightning Lane passes 7 days prior to your visit, and for the Four Seasons it’s 3 days out. This means if you choose the option where you pre-book ride times, those times probably won’t be ideal and they may sell out prior your three day window (we had to change our planned day for Magic Kingdom because of this). Not a huge deal, but worth noting. If you are going to Disney to DO DISNEY- it may be better to embrace the chaos and stay at The Grand Floridian or Polynesian (both still pretty darn expensive BTW) for this reason and also the ability to easily get to and from the parks on the monorail or boat. From the Four Seasons you have to take a Lyft or MinnieVan, which can add more to the cost and is not as convenient. Also, your dining options are limited without taking another Lyft to Disney Springs or another resort, so we ate every night at the same place which got monotonous.

OK, onto the parks. First things first- no matter how old your kid is RENT A STROLLER. Not only to hold all your crap but no matter how old, they will start complaining about walking. DO not ignore this advice even if your kids is years out of using a stroller (Gina coordinated ours to be dropped off and picked up from the hotel). Secondly, I could not get over the ticket prices- essentially $800 a day for a family of four PER PARK without any “fast pass” upgrades. Eye watering.

Our first day we did Epcot because that is where the Frozen stuff is and Emma was laser focused on meeting Anna and Elsa. Also they had a princess lunch where she could meet a bunch of the princesses in one swoop and it was easier to book than the Magic Kingdom one (I missed the window on that). Epcot is HUMUNGOUS, I had forgotten, and a ton of walking for the kids with not many rides. We did the Lightning Lane regular passes for this so we pre-booked three rides but our times were really late in the day (5pm +) which sucked with tired little kids. I also spent half the day on my phone trying to re-book ride times and that was a bit stressful. Frozen Ever After and Guardians of the Galaxy (Andrew and Henry’s favorite ride of the entire trip at all three parks) had hour long waits and we did get to skip those long waits, which was worth it. The countries were fun to walk through though, and it was all and all enjoyable but a LONG, very hot day!

Second day was Magic Kingdom. A lot of you messaged me to do VIP tours and I looked into it and WHAT IN THE CARTOON HELL!? I was quoted between $750-$900 an hour with a 7-8 hour minimum? How are y’all affording this??? :) LOL. I opted for the still expensive but FAR less so option of Premiere Lightning Lane (which means you do not have to pre-select ride times you just get to use the Lightning Lane at every single ride). This was SO, SO worth it. Transparently, it was an extra $1,500 for the day which is insane, I know, but compared to the VIP Tour, a fraction of the cost with the same perks and no stranger tagging along with you all day (that I assume you also need to tip). If you can, this is an amazing option that saved us hours at the park waiting (except to meet characters- those do not have Lightning Lanes!).

Our last day we did Universal which was all for Harry Potter for Henry (and me, lets be honest). This was by far our most disappointing day. I paid for the Express Lane only to find out once I got there it did not apply to all rides, namely the ONE ride we wanted to do the most, Hagrid’s Motorbike- and that wait was 80-120 minutes ALL DAY, so we had to skip it as Emma couldn’t ride it and the wait would have been too long. Lesson learned- read the fine print. The Express Lanes were not super fast (they are half the posted wait times). They also split Harry Potter into two parts of the park so you have to buy tickets for BOTH parks for the day which feels like a scam. Diagon Alley was pretty amazing as was riding the Hogwarts Express, so that was great- but finding food for the kids felt like a real hassle (felt marketed to adults way more than kids) and doing both parks in one day was WAY too much. Also, most of the rides were for kids much bigger than Emma. I would advise you do Hollywood Studios instead if you have kids under 8-9. This park felt more Las Vegas than Disney.

One things that I noticed this time that I did not when I was a kid or even the last time we took Henry- every damn ride makes you exit through some kind of gift shop which causes so many arguments with the kids who want ALL THE THINGS! Can we not just have gift shops sprinkled throughout the park and not at the end of every ride? My lord, read the room- parents are tired and broke already!

OK, I feel like I just did a lot of cathartic complaining, but I will say- it really IS so special to see your kids believe in make believe and get caught up in their sense of wonder and amazement. I absolutely loved seeing their little faces light up (even Henry at 9) when Mickey or Minnie came by or they got to ride on a super fast rollercoaster (Emma was a real bad ass with no fear- she only cried because she got wet on Splash Mountain/ Tiana’s Adventure). But I am truly in a stupor over how much this cost, even if we didn’t do the fancier options, and how many people do it day in and day out. You can go to Europe for far less. Mind blowing.

And don’t get me started on Disney Adults- I just don’t understand it and I don’t think I could even with a detailed explanation. Emma and I were standing behind an adult couple on their honeymoon waiting to meet Anna and Elsa for an hour and then talking to them like they were real people and getting all teary eyed… I locked eyes with Anna like “WTF?” but those character actresses are pros, my goodness :)

Best Things I Wore/ Brought:

Lightweight sunglasses.

Quilted fanny pack/ cross body

The most comfortable sneakers ever for all day walking. TRUST.

Tennis dresses (this one has built in shorts you can pull partly down to pee without disrobing completely!)

I put this sunscreen on under my makeup and did not get burned once any of the days! Amazed.

The best cushioned no show socks.

My all-time favorite sunscreen (use on the kids too).

I did not pack this, but as soon as I got home I took a long soak with my fave epsom salts.

The past few months (and more acutely, the past 2 weeks) it’s been hard for me to focus and feel positive due to external forces, and its obviously a feeling that lots of us are having right now. The onslaught of sad, upsetting and negative news (coupled with the worst rainy, grey weather and you know, all that motherhood and marriage entails) has left me feeling downright drained. My job is to create beauty for those I work for and with, and right now things aren’t feeling very darn beautiful to me. I have spurts of being really excited and inspired, and then slogs of feeling like pretty discouraged and scared of where this world is heading, which affects everything I do. Its hard to find consistency in so much uncertainty and beauty in the ugliness.

So what do we do? What can I do? Turning off social media for me is not possible, but limiting my use of it is- and I need to be much better about that. Staying informed still, of course, but engaging in a meaningful way- not doom scrolling to zone out or get myself MORE mad. Being better about being present with my kids helps me too, as does making plans with friends, getting outside when it’s nice to take a walk, rage run, or just meander with Beans. Watching a totally escapist show, movie or reading a really good thriller always allows me to check out a bit. But this feeling like everything is a mess and the future is hazy has oddly helped me live a little bit less cautiously- hey, why not just buy that bag I’ve been eyeing, take that little weekend trip, get the ice cream cone, take the gummy? You know, stop overthinking everything and worrying that the bottom will fall out. It already kind of has, and within that -if you can find it- is a tiny bit of room to let go.

Obviously I am aware there is privilege in that way of thinking and living, and that people are absolutely struggling to even make ends meet, or watching their 401k dissipate, as well as many of their human rights. But in order to do the work we need to do- professionally, personally and as a collective country- we need to maintain a sense of joy and pleasure in our daily lives or else we will all be too burnt out to really fight when it counts. I feel myself walking that line now and want to course correct, for my sake and that of my little family and community. It’s something I fail at one day and do better at the next- or even minute to minute, honestly. But bringing a tiny spark of joy into your day- through your home, wardrobe, social calendar- is essential right now. So here are a few things that spark a little joy- the uncomplicated material kind- from a counter spray that makes me want to clean to chic sandals with fun details and everything in between. It’s the little things, after all.

Our trip to London to see Taylor was so great – perfect weather (every day was low 70’s-60’s and sunny!?), incredible hotel and great meals and sightseeing. I wish we had more time but it just means we need to go back, with the kids next time.

There were SO many recommended hotels to stay at in London it was hard to choose, but I wanted a classic English experience and knew Claridges would give that to me. And boy did it. The staff and service was amazing, the design perfectly British and our room- woah. Initially we had a balcony room overlooking some loud construction so we politely asked if there was any other room available. Not only did they get us a new room but it was an incredible upgrade (go look at all the rooms on their site, it’s so fun). 10/10 recommend.

We had a very fun, super delicious (and star studded) dinner at Gymkhana, ate at a couple cafes outside which were so lovely for lunch and then another dinner at Scott’s (lovely outdoor seating, but unfortunately surrounded by cigar smoking men, which kinda ruined it for me).

We did the V&A museum (so cool), Tower of London (sadly missed the Crown jewels because the line was insane), visited Kensington Palace and Diana’s memorial and walked around some shopping areas- sadly I did not make it to the design district- spent too much time at Liberty of London picking out an outfit for Emma I guess :)

And Taylor was- well, Taylor. I can’t say much more than it’s a life affirming experience to go to the Eras tour- especially in this modern time. Her work ethic, talent and love for her fans is so inspiring. And everything feels so happy and positive and kind when you are there. Worth the trip. I saved my pics to a Highlight on my Instagram!

Of course I was so endlessly inspired by the design, architecture, history and way everything feels more “special” in England – from getting a cup of coffee to a cab ride. After pouring through some British design magazines on the way home I decided my whole life needs to be more English :) Here’s a room design I pulled together inspired by my trip – a mix of very traditional and modern pieces swathed in a calm blush paint (Setting Plaster from Farrow & Ball, of course).

Links for : chair // coffee table // painting // sofa

Wow – that number kind of does something to me, more so than other early 40’s birthdays have. It feels like this is the real threshold to “middle age” – perhaps the doorway to actually being “older” in the eyes of society (or maybe that’s just me projecting, which I do tend to do). Of course, age is just a number, but for women around my age, it can often be a lot more than that. In your 20’s and 30’s things just bounce off you – nights out, too many glasses of wine, a tough workout, a bad day, hell, a bad year. Mid-forties? Not so much.

I walk the line of wanting more, bigger, better and at the same time slower, smaller and quieter. Each day brings a different vigor for life – some days not a whole lot, others I jump out of bed ready to tackle whatever I have on my plate. One day I’ll crush a workout, another I’ll drag myself into the gym just to go through the motions. I find myself desiring both growing my business and career but also considering what it would be like to just stop and write for a living. The rise and fall of my moods, energy, desire, focus are all fluctuating wildly. And thanks to Instagram, we are all hit over the head with why that is every time we scroll through the app. #perimenopause

And while that may be true, and I’m sure it is playing a role, some of that up and down is also because I chose to have children later in life. My therapist pointed this out so wisely the other day – that not only am I in the early stages of hormone decline but ALSO the incredibly busy stage of having very young children at the same time. As well as a busy full time job. This is what they call being “in the weeds”, fully and truly- no wonder I’m feeling pulled in 300 directions and systemically dysregulated. It’s a lot all at once. But while I am deep in the weeds, I also find I am much calmer than I had been earlier in life. Things that would completely throw me for a loop, make me really anxious or fly off the handle now don’t quite trigger the same response anymore. I’m hoping that it’s because I’m a bit wiser and know now that very little is actually “the end of the world”- or maybe I just don’t have the energy to devote to a full blown anxiety attack or trip down overthinking lane. Who knows, but it’s one of the more positive things about getting older I’ve found. That and not trying to wear heinous early 90’s fashion again because I did it the first time around.

Does all that mean I’m throwing in the towel and embracing aging? No. I’m literally laughing writing this as I recall my now 20 step skincare routine, appointment to get my greys covered this week and increasing dermatologist bills. No, no- I shall not be going quietly into this good night quite yet, folks! I’m doing ALL THE THINGS to slow down father time- I’m not ready to no longer be seen as youthful- that freaks me out a bit. I know it’s a losing battle, one that I hope I feel more prepared to surrender to in time, but just not yet. Am I going to regiment my lifestyle to be so strict that I can’t have fun just so I can see my abs better? Not a chance. I’ll eat all my protein, but I’ll be having wine and fries with it sometimes too.

But aging is not just about looks and health, it’s about doing something that makes you feel valuable and happy. I’ve accomplished a lot in 45 years that I am so proud of, but I have some regrets too. I was so careful and measured in my youth, trying to be the perfect girl in every way possible. Scared to make a mistake, scared to do something without thinking it through a thousand times first, scared of the act of exploration. But I’m going to try really hard to do that a little more now. Life is hardly over at 45! In fact, when our friends asked us to go to Taylor Swift in London a couple months ago, I first went into my overthinking spiral and then I stopped myself, bought some insanely overpriced tickets and booked a hotel I’ve always wanted to stay at. I literally said, fuck it. It’s just money, I can make more. It may seem silly to you, but the act of just DOING that without making a pro-con list and making sure it was fiscally responsible is a pretty big start for me! This year I want to take more trips, experience more, worry less and be more grateful for what I have and have done.

So here’s to being “of a certain age”. Here’s to figuring out how best to take care of yourself and your people. Here’s to another year of getting to be alive (and what a time it is, folks!) Here’s to more adventure and less criticism. Here’s to red light masks and also smile lines. Here’s to learning to live with ease but also fighting until the end. Here’s to standing up for what’s right but also accepting when silence serves you best. Here’s to 45.

You could not PAY me to be in my 20’s again. Or my 30’s for that matter. Both decades were really brutal for me in which I did not have a lot of fun. To my shock, the beginning of my 40’s is when I felt most vital and alive, but that has been dwindling the past 2 years. Now I feel as though I am in a kind of no man’s land- not old, but not young. Some days full of energy and determination, others fighting off a desire to burn it all down and run away (or to be less dramatic, to just curl up and REST).

I have been in therapy a very long time and have done a LOT of hard work – especially the last 3-4 years. What has been obvious to some (my husband) literally just dawned on me as of recent – I’m not sure I know how to happy. I sure know how to be productive. I’m damn good at trying to be perfect. I know how to please others like the back of my hand. But do I know how to find joy within my own self? Ehhhhhhh, I’m not so sure.

Yes, I have moments of feeling happy- out laughing with friends, cuddling with my kids, a perfect beach day. But the “letting go” that is involved in truly being happy is really hard for me. Fighting the desire to be the best at something/everything and instead just ENJOY being is a real challenge for me. I’ve been living very much with a white knuckle grasp on the things I know make me “good” and am left feeling, well… exhausted. This can’t be all there is.

I am a very blessed, lucky lady- no doubt about that. I SHOULD be happy, of course. And I have to be okay saying this out loud and not worrying that people will paint me as ungrateful (although, admittedly, I certainly can be). So I am, because I think it’s a hard thing to admit. Many of us should, by all accounts, be very happy- but we aren’t. Maybe it IS the hormones. Maybe it’s the culture of the grind. Maybe it’s social media and its brain rotting comparison game. Or maybe we just aren’t being honest with ourselves.

So I’ve decided to celebrate 45 this summer. Not a banner year for a big party, but rather a bright, happy, FUN dinner with my best girls on my back porch. No pressure, just FUN. This is the year I want to really focus on that aspect of life instead of hitting some obtuse milestone of follower count, public accolades or rock hard abs. I want to feel better in my body, but also pay less attention to every inch of it. I want to lean into days off, free time and loose schedules instead of regimented days in which I can’t help but feel there is MORE I should be doing.

I have worked hard, and will continue to do so. I know no other way than to stay busy and hungry. And I will talk to the doctors I have more about some methods to fight off the inevitable drop in hormones that exacerbate how I’m feeling. But I also want to try harder to enjoy life as it is, not put off happiness until I reach XYZ goal or date or age. The time is now, because as I was reminded last month, the future is not guaranteed.

This is a very long winded way of saying I’m planning a dinner! :) A pretty one full of bold color and feminine details and I felt like mood-boarding it so I did! Some version of this will happen, probably not all of these things- it doesn’t have to be perfect (although I do truly delight in pretty things). We could order pizza for all I care, I just want to create a moment to sit and enjoy my friends, my gorgeous yard and a summer night – I prefer entertaining at home to going out lately, so this is what I’ll do.

So here’s the look that to me says “happy birthday you 45 year old nutjob”! Cheers!

All images linked except the flowers (here), cake (here) and rechargable lamps and shades (here).

There is a little tour of our *almost* complete spaces and the kitchen pre-install on Instagram now if you are curious to see some sneak peeks. On the first floor, one of the best things I did get is a new sectional in the family room. As you may recall, I originally had a sectional that Andrew thought was too low and he wanted two sofas – which I got and then sold, because I much preferred the sectional – so we got this beauty from Charles Stewart, made to my exact dimensions and in a Perennials fabric (Rough N’ Rowdy in Parchment) which stands up to kids really well but still feels nice on the skin. Adding a couple more pillows and a coffee table (if it ever comes in – delayed twice already – grrrr).

Our new little Maiden Home chair is also shown here – it’s smaller in scale than I thought, but still fabulous. They continue to be my favorite consumer-facing upholstered furniture brand – really high quality for the price!

Other links you have asked for from the tour: sleeper sofa // counter stools (to the trade)

Paint Colors:

Primary Bedroom: Benjamin Moore Fairview Taupe

Main Level: Benjamin Moore Winds Breath

Playroom: Benjamin Moore Waters Edge

Mudroom: Benjamin Moore Rooftop Garden

As for the rest of the year, the major focus is getting my book completed and turned in by spring. It’s been a long road with this one, but I do think it’ll be the best one yet. A little less writing, a lot more imagery. Not that I don’t like the writing aspect, in fact, I want to get back to writing MORE in 2024. And I plan to speak in detail about renovating from a designer’s perspective, lessons learned, best practices and advice etc, but I want this book to be more image driven than the prior two. The work speaks for itself in most cases. It’s amazing to look back at book 1 and see how far I’ve come a designer.

I have a lot I want to accomplish this year, some exciting new product lines coming out, projects to photograph and continue working on. Once this book is wrapped I have new goals to pursue outside publishing as well (and maybe alternative publishing ideas too…) It’s overwhelming but also exciting to feel inspired by what’s to come as well as what has passed.

Hoping to share more soon with you all, but just wanted to say thanks for hanging in there with me this year as I ebbed and flowed with blogging and social media while trying to find a balance that works for me. Stay tuned as the kitchen comes together!

XOXO,
Erin

I can think of no sadder story than the one of the Clancy family that broke last week in Duxbury, MA. Being local, it hit close to home. And I myself being a mother who suffered from postpartum mental issues, it has triggered strong emotions in me. I could not stop thinking about that family all weekend, and engaged in many discussions with other women over IG about this story, including some people close to the family. And I will say this – EVERYONE in this story is a victim. EVERYONE. Those beautiful children, the husband, their entire extended family, friends, co-workers and important to note vocally, Lindsay herself. There is not one singular person to be sad for, we can and should be sad for every single person touched by this horrible situation.

A mother killing her children is horrific. Make no mistake about that. It is one of the most heartbreaking scenarios I can think of. But what’s also heartbreaking is thinking about the knowledge that awaits Lindsay when and if she wakes up. Not much is being confirmed about this story in the press, but it is clear from Patrick Clancy’s incredibly graceful, emotional statement and insights from others – Lindsay was not in her right mind when this happened. This was a psychotic break with reality caused by post-partum mental disorder.  And before we delve into this discussion, we need to define what Post Partum Psychosis is in contrast to Post Partum Depression and Post Partum Anxiety, as they are vastly different. A psychologist who messaged me specifically asked me to call out how RARE PPP is in contrast to how common PPD and PPA are. This is not a case of “the baby blues” (I hate that term) – this is a true psychotic episode in which the person most likely has no idea what they are doing.  There are true murderous monsters in this world, I’m not naive to that obviously, but I truly do not believe that to be the case in this scenario. It is very clear from all the information we have, that this woman loved her children, and that is what makes it all the more gut wrenching. I can not imagine a living hell worse than her current reality.

As I’ve mentioned before, I suffered from PPD/PPA with both kids, although I didn’t really realize I did with Henry until after the fact, as many women do.  I’ve been in treatment for General Anxiety Disorder since I was a teenager, so I assumed it was just “amped up a little” after having a baby. But it was way more than that. And then with Emma it hit full force and I was aware of what it was. Having lost so many pregnancies before her, which made we worried the entire pregnancy,  in combination with having a toddler, running a busy business AND being in the thick of a isolating global pandemic at the time of her birth – it was a ripe time for it to manifest. And it did. And I immediately asked for help. I stopped breastfeeding after 3 weeks (GUILT) because I needed to go back on medication that wasn’t safe for breastfeeding. I hired extra help, even a night nurse (EXTRA GUILT), but it literally saved my life. I had a therapist (who doesn’t take insurance, as many don’t), amazing doctors and an incredibly helpful husband. That is to say I had every possible privilege known to man at my disposal, and my children were DESPERATELY wanted – and yet it was still very hard. And it unravels me to think about the fact that many/most women do not have the same options.

And what gets me deep down is the knowledge that Lindsay DID get help. She was actively getting help, despite chatter to the contrary. She was a labor and delivery nurse – someone well versed in post partum care and the realities of mental disorders and easily able to access care. To read comments in news articles from people assuming she didn’t get help and just killed her children because it was “too hard” makes me absolutely go blind with rage. First of all, how dare any of us assume anything in this situation. It’s beyond words. This is a tragedy from start to finish and the only thing we as humans should be offering up is support, an attempt at understanding that there are things we will NEVER understand, and prayer (if that’s your thing).

The pressure on new mothers to be everything to their children and families along with the absolute rollercoaster of hormonal shifts in the post-partum period are sometimes insurmountable and sometimes just a blip.  Some women never feel anything but bliss and a little exhaustion, others are able to weather the tough days and night without issue, while others spend hours crying in the bathroom because they can’t figure out why they can’t bond with their baby and if they will ever feel like themselves again. And then sadly, there is a VERY SMALL percentage who become very ill. But all women deserve to be cared for without shame or guilt. All women need extra support and guidance through the early years of a child’s life. Not just a pamphlet as you leave the hospital suggesting you call this number if you feel sad – but real, pro-active, attentive care. If you or someone you love is struggling with any post-partum issues you can start here. But we need more than a helpline, we need some REAL CHANGE regarding the care of women after giving birth. It’s a huge sacrifice physically, emotionally and mentally and creates real medical issues that deserve attention and policy change.

I ask that at this time, we all just send love and support to Patrick and the Clancy family as they navigate the unimaginable road ahead. Check on your friends. Check on your family. Love your babies as best you can. It does get better, but only if we care for one another.

XO

Given the nature of this topic, any comments that are deemed cruel or deeply insensitive will be deleted at my discretion.

Offseason by Lauren Marttila, available on Gates & Co.

2022.

I’m not even really sure how to talk about it since so much happened in the world, in my business and in life in general.  This year was fraught with tragedy and anger, but also the delight of being able to see each other again after being separated for so long.  New friends came into my life that I know will become old ones. Business was busy, but stressful -thanks to those pesky supply chain delays, my kids grew bigger and funnier and I feel like I have hit my stride a bit more as a mother. Overall, it was a pretty good year.

But as I exit 2022 I feel– well, depleted. Anxious. Both excited and apprehensive of what’s to come. Tired but inspired. That’s to say- I feel ALL THE THINGS and all at once. There is so much I want to do, but also a deep desire to pull back a little and treat myself with a little more grace. I was talking to someone the other night and she commented “you’ve built quite the life for yourself, so what is it you want to improve?” That answer came so easily and quickly: I want to enjoy it more. I am not enjoying this life I have nearly as much as I should be. And that is a shame.

I have written time and time again about how I struggle with anxiety, perfectionism and often succumbing to a “grass is greener” mindset.  And while it has fueled the hustle that has gotten me to where I am, now that I’m “here”, I desperately want to actually reap the rewards and enjoy where I am.  The amazing work I get to do. The kids I fought to have. The house I never would have thought would be mine. The freedom that I’m afforded. But I also do not want to rest on my laurels- and finding that balance is my number one goal for 2023.

Assessing everything I have on my plate- professionally, socially and personally is a good place to start in order to figure out what needs attention, what can be maintained and what can take a back seat, or better yet,  be delegated (my very worst skill).  Bear with me as I do this exercise in front of an audience.  I have to stretch my writing muscles to do this, as they haven’t gotten as much use this year (another thing I want to change, I miss it!)

BUSINESS

I grew my company this year and now have nine people at Erin Gates Design. That still blows my mind. Looking at my overhead also blows my mind. I made the smart decision to finally hire someone to take over the business side of things- financials, HR, accounting and projections.  But utilizing that role is full of growing pains for me, I hate talking about money, but I have to get better about it. And I have to really roll up my sleeves and make sure I am making smart financial decisions, as well as taking SOME risks by investing more back into the business in the right areas.

Our book of business also grew this year- with some really incredible large projects under our belts now. We increased our minimums- which means we are looking only at projects that encompass whole homes or at least several rooms at once.  After researching what my peers in the industry were doing, I had to up the ante a bit. I love many of our smaller jobs, but having over 30 active clients at once creates a lot of inefficiencies in our time. It’s SO HARD for me to say no to people, as I tend to operate under the fear that work will dry up tomorrow, but it’s time to realize, after 15 years of having a waitlist, this is simply not the likely outcome. So as we look to 2023, we are looking for larger projects, but fewer of them. (Side note: we are actively booking for Spring/Summer 2023 start dates nation-wide so send your inquiries our way info@eringatesdesign.com).

I also grew my licensing partnerships (some I have not announced yet – coming spring 2023!!!) I really enjoy this side of my work, it’s been very successful, and I hope to continue to grow it organically in ways that make an impact and fill a void in the marketplace. Fabric. Furniture. Fashion. And yes, finding a way to get my pillow line up and running again.  It’s still the biggest trip to see products with my name on them out in the world. It will never NOT be a thrill.

And speaking of thrills, the fact that my first book (published in 2014) was still #1 on a slew of Amazon charts this year and is now over 300,000 copies sold is insanity. I am so damn glad I did that striped spine, I tell you! :) Book 2 is gaining some more traction (it’s such a better book, in my opinion) and I had to make a tough call on my third book this year, but one that ultimately makes sense. It was supposed to be due this spring to my publisher- but with COVID, massive delays on client goods, not being able to photograph and frankly, not enough time to focus on it- I had to make the call to push it to a yet undetermined date. I’m hoping for a 2025 release to be honest. I have to nail this one and I was starting to shoot not complete projects that I didn’t feel great about and it makes NO sense to put all the effort and work into a book that you don’t feel 100% confident and happy with. So instead, I hit the breaks and said I need more time. I need this to be amazing and I cannot make an amazing book right now. So we are slowly but surely working towards EOS book 3- the final installment (for now)- and I will keep you posted on when that will be. But I have to remind myself, it’s not a race.

As for the blog/ social media and that whole arm of things- it is still very much a large part of my business- not only financially, but marketing wise. Almost all of our business comes via word of mouth or social media. I struggled a bit this year with finding my footing in the muddy waters of discussing both design, fashion AND human rights and politics. And I know many people believe that business and personal beliefs should be kept separate. But the more I watched larger companies take stances and speak out, and find more loyalty because of that, the more assured I became that I do not have to split myself in two here. Maybe it keeps me from growing my following by the follower tally, but those that DO follow are dedicated. I know my engagement rate is much higher than someone with 10x the following in some cases. And I think the world is catching on that it’s not just about a number, it’s about the quality and activity of those who do follow you. You can buy followers, but you can’t buy engagement and loyalty. So I am going to keep doing what I’m doing. Blogging 2-3 times a week, keeping my social channels authentic and off the cuff, but perhaps a little more curated on the interiors content, and see where it takes me. And I know, I have to make Reels. UGH. But we do have a whole new look, function and feel coming to our websites (business/blog/shop) early in 2023 and I can’t wait for you to see the reveal!

As for the things I want to add in this year and in the coming decade:

• Commercial projects- an inn, hotel, boutique, offices– you name it. I’d love to expand into the commercial side and explore that kind of work.
• Increase partnerships with developers, builders, realtors and architects to create beneficial relationships on all sides. We’ve worked very successfully with development companies selecting finishes for spec homes in the past and plan to ramp that up again. I’d eventually also like to flip properties as well (watch out Joanna and Chip).
• Open a storefront in Wellesley. This town NEEDS it, and I have retail in my blood. I really want to do this, even though everyone advises against it, but even in a small capacity it would be such a dream. Until then, I want to grow our online shop into a great spot for unique finds and collaborations with artists and small businesses. Maybe we do a couple more pop up shop events to start?
• Real Estate- given our renovation kicking off in March, I don’t have the capital to get started on this now, but my dream is to buy and renovate investment properties- one in the mountains, one at the beach, one in the city, one down south- creating blog content along the way, featuring my own products in these homes and offering people beautiful places to stay (and my own family to enjoy as well). I dream about this idea CONSTANTLY.

PERSONAL

I have a lot of work to do personally. To give myself some credit, I have done a lot of work this past year already (thanks to my amazing therapist). Most importantly, I need to lower my stress levels and stop beating myself up so much. Working out has been a huge help with that, but unfortunately my neck injury has been making it very hard to keep that going as I was earlier this year.  And that has been frustrating. But it’s also a lesson in not pushing myself SO hard all the time and taking a good thing and running it into the ground, as I tend to do.  Finding balance in rest and work, physically and mentally, is the goal here. Making sure I’m as physically healthy as I can be first, then making sure I take time to rest and recharge, and third HAVE MORE FUN.  I tend to want to always be productive and in control and I’m frankly, that is clearly not working. I want to have a LOT more fun in 2023- with friends, with family and especially my kids.

I am the kind of person who is always in my own head: assessing, overthinking, planning, ruminating…. I want to let go more. Let things be. Not worry so much about everything. This will be HARD, but it will be life changing if I can do it. I want to live in the moment, enjoy the beauty of everything around me and really be PRESENT. I am so often distracted by my phone, as we all are, and it’s a serious addiction I need to reel in. It’s easy to justify when social media is also your job, but there is a line I can draw. And some aspects I can delegate (see, there’s that word again! SO KEY!)

On everyone’s New Years goals/ resolutions list is organizing and purging of clutter. I firmly need to do this more. Our renovation will help give us an excuse (and dumpster) to kick this off and I hope to enlist a professional organizer once we’re done to set up a system for us that we will actually use to keep things in order. I am a big believer in your space and home affecting your mental state and happiness so I am quite serious about this one. I mean, you’ve seen my closet on IG- it’s basically a reflection of what my brain looks like- A MESS!

I think that’s enough for now- I find that if we make too many goals, it becomes overwhelming and then we attain none of them because we’re intimidated or it feels too daunting. But I want to close out this year with a huge thank you- to my family, my friends, my employees and partners, those who have lifted me up, taken me down a peg or two and most of all, have listened, cheered and made me feel loved. We may be best friends or perhaps have never met, but you all help me want to be the best version of myself I can.

Happy New Year, and have a wonderful and healthy holiday,

Erin

*Warning: This post discusses abortion and other material NOT related to design. Click out of this post if that is offensive to you. 

Today, I am unhinged. Truly and deeply exhausted, full of rage and despair.

First it was about the guns, the dead kids, the fear.

Now it’s about losing my own bodily autonomy. Together it’s almost unbearable. I don’t know what to do, where to start or how to move forward with focus.

It’s beyond my own comprehension that I find myself living in a country that prioritizes money, power, greed, retaliation, outdated documents written by slave owners who saw women as property and books written by men who thought the world was flat over modern day women as a gender. That now, as of Friday, there are states in this country in which a woman is deemed a vessel and has fewer rights than a gun. Fewer rights over what happens to their body than a corpse (Think about it- you can CHOOSE to let your organs rot in the ground instead of potentially save a life, since this is about “saving lives”, right?)

I am tired of fighting. I want to just focus on my work- the beauty of home, design and fashion- my children, my own life here in this state I am so grateful to live in given it’s status as a safe place for women with reproductive rights and slightly less insane gun laws (but still far too lenient). But what kind of person would I be if I just kicked back into my own privilege? It would be SO MUCH EASIER if I did. For me and for my family. But you know what, I can’t do that and feel good about my place in this world. Not this time. Not now. Because it’s not about me, it’s about all of us and it is a breaking point, ladies.

Truth be told- I am a white lady from New England who was raised and lives in privilege and I will always be able to get the care I want and need and so will my children.  I’m done having children with no risk of getting pregnant again (snip, snip) and when Emma becomes old enough I plan to make sure she not only can comfortably come to me when she wants to become sexually active so we can take all the proper precautions to prevent pregnancy, but also feel she can come to me if she is in trouble. Makes a mistake. Is taken advantage of. Whatever it is. Because I have no idea what life holds for Emma- I certainly had no idea my virginity would be taken without my consent in high school (luckily I was already on the pill for medical reasons, so at least I had that going for me). The only thing I can guarantee her at this point is that she will have a mother who will fight to the death for her to be able to make choices about her own body, her life and if, when and where she has her own child.  Because if I know only one thing for sure in this life, it’s that being a mother HAS to be a choice you make. It is one of the greatest, but hardest, things I’ve ever done. I cannot FATHOM being forced into being a mother. I especially cannot fathom it as someone who already is struggling to make ends meet, has no paid leave, no familial or financial support, mental health issues, physical illnesses…. a myriad of things that already make life challenging. I had every advantage in life, and it was still hard. IS still hard.

As you may already know, I fought tooth and nail to have these kids. I put my body through reproductive hell to have these two beautiful babies of mine that I look at in awe daily.  2 rounds of IUI, 3 rounds of IVF, 9 embryo transfers and 8 pregnancies. My first pregnancy was ectopic which we had to terminate to make sure it didn’t rupture, 2 were natural miscarriages, 2 were missed miscarriages followed by D&C’s and one was a termination at 10 weeks due to unviability. All those babies were DESPERATELY wanted. All of them mourned. All of them left a scar on my heart that I’m not sure I’ll ever heal from, even though I ended up with two perfect children, which is all I ever wanted.  Abortion is not just an elective end to an unwanted pregnancy- it’s often a medical necessity, as it was for me. Abortions save women’s lives when a pregnancy threatens their life. Abortions end pregnancies in which the fetus will never survive outside the womb, or would only suffer great pain if it did (please, please read this account from a follower of mine who sent it to me last night). These woman are already suffering broken hearts and bodies, and now they are sentenced to suffer tenfold – or even in some cases, die themselves.  And yet multiple women- all of them have been Bible quoting Christians- have messaged me daily telling me I’m a murderer for supporting a woman’s choice, that I’m a terrible mother for “wanting to kill babies”, a monster for allowing Emma to “murder my future grandchildren” that “I must be insane for supporting women choosing to ‘rip babies limb from limb’ as a ‘method of birth control’. ”

And this folks is is when I fucking lose it. Because it is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard.

To quote CDC DATA (yes, science based fact): “The vast majority of abortions – around nine-in-ten – occur during the first trimester of a pregnancy. In 2019, 93% of abortions occurred during the first trimester – that is, at or before 13 weeks of gestation, according to the CDC. An additional 6% occurred between 14 and 20 weeks of pregnancy, and 1% were performed at 21 weeks or more of gestation. These CDC figures include data from 42 states and New York City (but not the rest of New York).”  You can research what is involved in a termination in the first trimester in detail (I am not a doctor), but the short version is it’s either simply a PILL you take or its a tube and suction. The rhetoric around blades and ripping and horror movie imagery are all driven by fear mongering. The anti-choice people messaging me seem to think we are all here cheering on women getting elective abortions of healthy babies at 27 weeks- NO. That is not what this discussion, or law, is about and if you think it is, you need to do some research on the data above and reframe your statements based on the facts about when most abortions are performed, how and to whom.

Even harder to digest still are those states in which there are no exceptions for rape or incest- Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Kentucky, Louisiana, Missouri, Ohio, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Tennessee and Texas.  In what WORLD should a woman be forced to carry her own rapist father’s baby? (Side note: Incest very often creates babies with genetic disorders and severe health issues- what about those lives? Are they not to be considered?)  This is not about babies or the right to life, this is about CONTROL and POWER. When we give more rights to a rapist or incestuous monster than to a woman, we are committing violent atrocities not only to an entire gender but all of humanity. Other nations, once again, looks to us in complete disgust and horror. How is it the “greatest country in the world” allows people to repeatedly commit mass shootings AND forces women to carry the babies of violent, abhorrent criminals? And if you try to tell me “well those are very rare cases”– so are abortions past 20 weeks. Let’s not mince words and facts here.

If you really, truly want to save the lives of children and babies, vote for common sense gun laws. Vote for free contraception. Vote for paid family leave. Vote for maternal care. Vote for education. Vote for a woman’s right to choose. Vote for the things that ACTUALLY save the lives of children. Don’t scream about children’s right to life and then vote for candidates who refuse to regulate the guns that are the #1 reason children die and turn their backs on women who bear those children (did you know murder is the #1 killer of pregnant women as well?)  If your stance against abortion isn’t about money, power, control and racial supremacy- if it is actually about saving lives-  then PROVE IT. Prove it with your vote. Prove it when it comes to ALL aspects of human life, not just one issue.

I’m going to get back to posting what I know and do best, but right now I am struggling to care about those things. I am literally shaking with rage. But I will find a balance between activism and my career and personal life.  It’ll just take time to process and figure out. For now, I’m going to rage. But then I want to find actionable ways to somehow help right this ship- because if anyone can do it, it’s pissed off mothers and women. So if you have any ideas, links or advice, please leave them in comments for us all to consider. In the meantime, you can donate to causes like The National Network of Abortion Funds, Planned Parenthood Action Fund and The National Women’s Law Center and make sure to ask your employers (and ask your spouses and partners to ask theirs) what their policies are for female employees traveling to or working in states that have criminalized abortion healthcare.

Stay safe, stay vigilant, STAY ANGRY.

As of late I have been feeling…unmoored. If I’m being honest, it’s been longer than that, but the past month has sort of frayed the rope with which I was bound (although at times tentatively) to my deep belief that things will just work out.  There are so many horrible things going on in the world to fear- war, guns, climate change, never-ending COVID, sexism, racism, astronomical gas prices and supply chain crises, the demise of a somewhat decent society (and certainly government).  And this would be enough to drive anyone mad with worry and pessimism. But for women and mothers, I think we feel this doubly.  And for those of us with anxiety? It’s just TOO much- truly and deeply.

IT’S. TOO. DAMN. MUCH.

It’s exhausting to think about what we have to do to fix this (all the things??), and if a fix is even possible. I for one am so irate about the gun issue after the Ulvade shooting (and all the other shootings), and have tried to throw what energy and voice I have behind the cause because, in my opinion, it’s my duty to do so as a “public figure”. And while it feels really good to make an impact through donations and fundraising, events and making calls- it’s also a lot to take on as a person, a mother and a boss. And I for one, am already full to the brim with responsibilities, pressure and unchecked to do lists. My cup is actively running over.  And it’s not just time wise- it’s also emotionally and mentally.  I think we’re probably all on the brink of a national burnout.  I know I am (and I am quite privileged on many fronts, so I know it’s much worse for so many).

For me, the combination of motherhood, marriage, work and the world has left very little breathing room in my life at a time when I really need to take a breath. I’ve been talking to my therapist a lot lately, as these feelings have intensified, and while our 40’s is an amazing time to be a woman, it’s also a time of a lot of change, self-awakening and coming to grips with what you want (or for some, figuring out what exactly it IS you want to begin with). But it’s hard to do that when you feel like the world is imploding around you and you don’t have time to fully fold ALL your laundry never mind decipher your life goals. It’s a bit easier to stuff it down, walk away and say “another day” or “another year”. But as we’ve seen so acutely in recent weeks, those years aren’t a guarantee.

It’s also hard to feel such self-reflection is justified during such hard times- it’s feels indulgent and selfish.  As women I think we are taught that our whole lives- we should put others first, always, as dutiful daughters, giving mothers and non-threatening co-workers and bosses. I for one, am a brutal “people pleaser”. I’ve been that way my whole life- always chasing approval of others and basing all my self-worth on what others think of me, outside applause and accountable achievements. While my work ethic and desire to please has made me successful, it also has made me unable to see and enjoy that success. A double edged sword, if you will. I honestly didn’t know there was any other way of going through life than to be constantly chasing someone else’s definition of perfection. And while I have certainly done some things for myself and created an amazing life that is wildly beyond anything I could have ever imagined, most of my choices were made”under the influence” in one way or another. And this realization has rocked me a bit.

This is the first time I’ve had the headspace to reckon with this behavior now that I’m done with child bearing. The 7-8 years I spent going through fertility treatments (3 rounds of IVF, 8 pregnancies, 6 losses, 2 full term births and post-partum depression) did more of a number on me than I realized. But I am finally at a place where I can start to focus on me and sift through what I’ve been through. And that’s not to say I have not been wildly selfish about some things, I have, without argument. But the overarching theme of my existence has been pleasing everyone else. Even you- complete strangers on the internet- I’ve craved your approval more than my own.  I never really have asked  myself “what will make ME deeply happy” because honestly, I don’t think I have any idea. I’m not entirely sure I know how to be happy. And if there is one thing I want to teach my kids, it’s how to be HAPPY. Because without it, the rest is kind of pointless.

So this summer, my goal (beyond getting common sense gun laws passed -DUH) is to take a breather.  Sit with myself, not in pursuit of anything but the truth about what I really want in this life, both big picture and small. I miss a lot of the little things by being to focused on the “big things”- and I think the little things is where the magic is at. In order to do that, I need to feel the ability to step away from work here and there. I’m talking taking a day off every couple weeks this summer with no agenda other than doing whatever it is that will make me feel restored (not like a sabbatical or anything)!  To do that I’m doing all the “yucky” work I tend to avoid which is a deep dive into the financials, operations and assessing how to best move forward with my business in a way that can allow me to do more of what I love and less of the stuff that is not a good use of my time. I really hate talking about money, but I have to put on my business owner pants and deal with it. The only way out is through.

The other thing I have to work on is feeling less guilt. About things I’m not doing and doing. Guilt ruins everything- if I take some time off, I should ENJOY it, not fret it away by feeling BAD that I’m not working 24/7 (which you pretty much have to do when you run a business/ brand with your name on it). And the mom guilt- oh it’s a doozy! Yes, maybe I missed Field Day last week at Henry’s School- but my job is allowing me to take him to a really special night at Fenway Park next month for his first Red Sox game in style! No, I can’t take Emma to music class every week, but I sure can model what a hard working woman can accomplish.  Letting go of what I think my life “should” look like or be is the ultimate goal here. For me and for those around me. I’m of no use to anyone who counts on me if I’m drowning. And I’m not performing at MY personal best if I’m constantly comparing myself to everyone else and trying to find joy in what brings THEM joy instead of defining it for myself . So turning my gaze inward is actually less selfish than it may seem.

Basically it comes down to making room for more “fun” and enjoying the hell out of this one life I have.  Creating clear definitions of what I have to do but leave room for things I WANT to do too- on all fronts. I’ve always been super responsible (fine- some would say “uptight” LOL) and now, at almost 43 I want to be more fun. More joyful. More open to things. I feel younger and better than I have in a decade- I feel like it’s TIME. Even though the world is literally imploding and everything is scary and sad…

Because if not now, when?

P.S. Also, if you are feeling like I am, I highly recommend listening to Glennon Doyle’s podcast about “Overwhelm”

Baxter was one of a kind. I say that with a wink and knowing smile, because I will be the first to admit he was not a very good dog. He bit people, screamed instead of barked, was stubborn as hell and ruined many, many a rug in his time. But he was such a good boy. He had a human quality to him, an understanding and ability to sense things most dogs didn’t. I swear he could read my mind. I’d silently hide his heartworm pill in a big piece of chicken in another room- feed him non-medicated pieces and then when I’d pick up the one with the pill in it he’d look at me, turn his head and RUN. It was uncanny. He also gave the very best hugs. Like, real hugs with his scrawny little legs wrapped around your neck.  He’d turn his head almost completely sideways if we told him he was going to Nana’s house (his favorite) and wag his tail and make these little monkey noises of happiness. So with the bad, was the good. As is with all of us.

Bax had pretty severe anxiety, and if anyone understood that it was me. He had his own Xanax prescription (that we had to have compounded into liquid, chicken flavor form because of the above mentioned ESP with pills). He hated going for walks, but loved a good party at the house. He didn’t want to be touched, unless he really wanted to be touched and then he wouldn’t get off your lap. He once ate an entire block of cheddar cheese off the coffee table, but also was literally a bag of bones covered in fur and could go days without touching his food (and yet once chewed a bottle of Ambien in HALF and ate two, resulting in a stomach pump). He loved me to death, but I also would have to wear oven mitts to get him out from under the bed to go to the vet, lest he rip my hands off. He was a dog of many contradictions.

He was also all about the DRAMA. And I get this too, as I too can have a flair for the…uh…. theatrical.  One time I couldn’t find him after coming home from running errands in our JP condo, and after looking for half an hour everywhere,  I called Andrew in tears and told him Baxter had been dognapped. He was absolutely NO WHERE in the condo. He was like, who would want to kidnap Baxter he’s such a punk? And I yelled ” He sits in the window all day and is SO HANDSOME! Of course someone would take him!” Andrew came home and after about an hour of looking I finally discovered him INSIDE a black suitcase under the guest bed, just chilling. I was both irate and relieved.  And then a couple summers ago he escaped from the yard and went on a 6 hour walkabout in Newton on a 95 degree day. Henry was a baby, and I was a mess- actually a bunch of followers in IG helped me find him and went out in their cars looking for him. I kept getting messages from people like “He’s by Pure Barre!” “He just ran through the five way intersection in the Center!” “He’s being chased by a cop down Hammond Pond Parkway!” . I was convinced he was a goner after several hours, but decided to put Henry in the stroller and go look one more time before dark and as I turned around from strapping Henry in, there was Baxter. Trotting up the driveway like nothing had happened. That dog literally drove me nuts.  We were certain Henry’s first words were going to be “Shut the f*ck up Baxter!” ;)

When I was pregnant with Henry I was legitimately worried I could never love a child as much as I loved Baxter and Oliver (even Oliver had a rough start when he joined the family as I had such a bond with Baxter).  And while I obviously learned that you CAN love children more than dogs, he WAS my first baby. The first thing to teach me about truly unconditional love and in a way prepared me for motherhood. He was there for me through lots of trials and tribulations with all my pregnancies- lied in bed with me while I cried and healed over losses, and learned to love (ok, perhaps simply tolerate) Henry and eventually Emma too.

The past 6 months he became a different dog though. He spent most of the day sleeping under the bed, he lost half his body weight, his liver and kidneys were failing, he was losing vision, acted very disoriented a lot and was in a diaper. But we just could NOT bring ourselves to put him down until this week. He just seemed miserable and lost. And while he was still eating and sometimes coming out to say hi, I knew he wasn’t happy. But nothing could have prepared me for the gut wrenching process yesterday. The sedative either made him feel really strange or he was dreaming, but he started crying so loudly as he laid there until they gave him his overdose. It was truly traumatic, a noise I will never forget. And it made us really sad and feel like he was scared. It wasn’t the way I had wanted his last moments to be. But I was holding his head and kissing him and telling him he was such a good boy and I loved him and I hope that’s all he heard.

Henry took the news incredibly well, I think the fact the Baxter was reclusive the past few months probably helped create some emotional distance. But just this morning when leaving for school he looked at the leashes in the mudroom and said “But Mommy, we still have two?” He’s also very concerned about Oliver and how much he’ll miss his brother. He’s such a sweet kid, and so emotionally intelligent.  Loss is such a hard lesson for us all and I’m so proud of him- and I’m proud of all of us for doing the hard but humane thing, and also for loving Baxter for so long (almost 15 years).  We all have our quirks, contradictions and difficulties, but that doesn’t make us any less lovable if we’re pure of heart. Baxter taught us that.  We are so grateful you were ours, Bubs- and we will miss you always.

XO

Well here we are, another year done, another on the brink. Last summer we were deep in a pandemic at my birthday and I had just given birth two months prior to Emma and so I was not a great place mentally.  Ok, let’s be honest- I was a hot screaming mess. So my birthday gift was a night alone in a hotel, and I learned that time alone truly is the best gift, especially when you are a busy working mom of two (and STILL in a pandemic!)  So I’m writing this from my hotel room again, about to check out, after a fun night out to dinner with close girlfriends and lots of laughs (but not much sleep because, well, wine hits you harder at 42!)  It felt almost like “normal” life again,  and it was the first birthday in 8 years where I wasn’t in an IVF cycle, pregnant or nursing. So I felt almost… free.

Almost.

I’ve mentioned this in passing on Instagram but I’ve been struggling a lot with the idea of true happiness lately. Trying to figure out what it is and means to me- as an individual, mother, boss, wife, friend.  We’ve all been given a lot of time in the past year to reflect on what we value most and what brings us joy, and while some have found clarity in that time, some also have felt confused and unsure. I have, for certain.  Andrew always tells me he thinks I don’t know HOW to be happy. That I really only know how to be busy and strive for the next accomplishment in hopes that THAT is what will make me deeply happy. And he’s right.  I think I wrap a lot of my sense of happiness up in achievements and goals instead of the process and path to those goals. And once reaching them, instead of enjoying the moment, I set the next one and start the cycle over again.  But have I ever really thought deeply and calmly about what exactly it is that makes me happy? Like, really happy?  I think I’ve confused achievement with happiness and my goal in year 42 of my life it to untangle that web and figure out how I can move through life with more genuine joy, peace and gratitude. And starting it off with friends, laughing over a great meal was the perfect start.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with being ambitious, not at all. I like that I strive for big things and I applaud it in others as well, especially women. But I need to make more room for calm. More room for silliness. Fun. Deep breaths and quiet moments unencumbered by the never ending to-to list in my brain and the guilt I constantly feel about one thing or another. And that’s not easy. And I guess technically it’s another “goal” I’ve set for myself- but this one is rooted more in self-awareness and health than success and work.

I do a pretty decent job at balancing work/motherhood and self care, I think. I leave work everyday at 4:30 to make sure I get a workout in before 5:30 when I go into “mom mode”. I’ve discovered that working out consistently, and pushing myself physically, helps ease my anxiety quite a bit. So I’ve been committed to that for the past 3-4 months and it has shown good results. So I do make sure I make that time 5-6 days a week- be it spinning, running, cardio classes, pilates, yoga…. something different every day. But I know I need to be more present with my kids and husband and really do better at letting go of all the nonsense I worry about and give them my 100% focus. I think between the time I make for myself alone and spending more quality time focused on them I can work towards figuring out my own path to being happier than I am.

Because let’s face it, I should be pretty damn happy.

I have everything I have ever wanted, and certainly everything I need, and yet something feels missing. And that’s a little scary, because I really have no idea what it is.  One of the ways I best work through feelings like this is to write, and so that’s why I’m here today, trying to get back to my writing (which I have not made time to do this past year) in hopes that it helps me figure things out and maybe helps you a little too.  It’s been a TOUGH year and a half, for some more than others, but this isn’t a time to compare hardships and play the (very unfair) game of “who has it worse”.  Because as one of my favorite quotes says : ” Be kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”.  We all have internal struggles, many of which we never share or let others see. I just happen to be the type to just put it all out there…. ;)

So here I go: 42. Time for more self-reflection, kindness, boundaries, confidence, focus, love, sweat, tears, laughs and lots and lots of love. More love, always.

Thanks for listening. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

XO,
Erin